Unexpectedly great workout

Long story short -- I almost blew off today's swim workout. Late getting home. Felt the dogs needed attention and a walk. Just generally lost my mojo. Tried to tell myself that I'd get up at 5am and do it. While walking the dogs though, I knew I'd be mad at myself if I didn't get it done tonight. So when we got back to the house I threw on my swimsuit, and raced to the pool.

I had less than an hour, so knew I wouldn't get the entire 1,600yds of warmup and cool-down done (!), but had faith that I could do a short warmup and the main set. Mondays are the long aerobic workouts. Good steady sets, a mix of 75s, descending 25s and a series of 200s. Out of nowhere they were all solid. My form felt good, my head was down and although I wasn't really closely watching my splits, I could tell they were faster than they were just a few months ago.

As I sit here I realize that's an experience I could have missed. Sure, I might have gotten some paperwork done. Played a few rounds of websudoku. Seen what my friends are up to on Facebook. And somehow I'd have justified to myself that the short time frame I had tonight wasn't worth the effort to make it to the pool. And yet I would have been wrong and deluding myself.

At the end of the day, it's almost always worth it. If nothing else about this day I'll have the knowledge that I achieved something and did something for myself.

Then again....

...maybe not. There's nothing like stating an outlandish goal out loud to make you feel obligated to live up to it. Until life smacks you in the face, or in the case, in the leg.

Met up with Heather this afternoon to run. She was doing 21 in preparation for Boston in a few weeks. My goal was 9-10 miles, and so Nick and I decided to join her. Not even 4miles into this stupid run, my posterior tibialis flared up and I was reduced to a jog/walk combination. SO FRUSTRATING!!! I called it quits at 7.5miles. A very very slow 7.5miles.

Trying to up my hours for the day though, I did head to the gym for another hour to lift and do some core work. So from a training perspective, it was a good day. Just not the great day I'd been planning on.

Public apologies to Heather that she ran more of her day alone than I had hoped. Sorry!!

The Power of Suggestion - an Ultra

After enough emails and blog comments, she may have done it. Worn me down into agreeing to something that seems crazy. In addition to two half ironmans, multiple other triathlons, and signing up for Ironman Louisville for 2010, I think I just agreed to begin training for my first ultra-marathon. Yea, not sure what I'm thinking. FIFTY KILOMETERS is a long freakin' way to run/walk/hobble. But Andrea assures me that it's just a few miles longer than a marathon, and the John Holmes 50K is a very first-timer friendly event.

I did my first 5K back in about 1996 or 1997, a Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. At the time never imagining that I would do a marathon. And in 2000 I completed my first marathon, not even knowing there was such a thing as ultras. Somehow, though, I always seem to be peeking over the horizon, wondering what's possible and what I am capable of. Where is my limit? Will I eventually try something that I can't achieve?

The caveat in this is how my posterior tibialis responds to increasing run volume. Over the spring and summer, my plan is to start increasing my long run distances. If I realize that it can't handle it, then this is an adventure that will go back on the shelf. But maybe with care and caution, I can cross another finish line this year.

Hard Work and Recovery

Ok, so OWWWW!!!! I had forgotten just how ugly and painful that transition to a run can be. Yesterday was my first real brick of the season - meaning a measurable run after an equally measurable bike. Stuart and I got in close to 3hrs on our bikes on Sunday afternoon. Beautiful sunshiney day, but still chilly. Got home, swapped out the bike jersey for a long sleeve t-shirt and grabbed Nick's leash.

And then the pain hit. I was hobbling like some pathetic old lady. Normally Nick would be pulling ahead, but I think even he realized that this wasn't too pretty. After the first mile I seemed to ease into it but oh boy could this be a long day in May! I managed three miles, and sure, could have done more, but was very glad that the training plan called for only a 20-30min run!

Today was worth it, though. I just spent an hour with my massage therapist. He focused on that irritated tricep and deltoid, as well as the posterior and anterior tibealis on both legs. Already I can feel that many of those aches and pains have subsided. If only my health insurance covered therapeutic massage, I'd be seeing him a couple times per month. Stuart's seeing his physio twice a week, so dang it, I went ahead and made another appointment for the week of Kinetic. He shouldn't be the only one in this house getting massaged and manipulated!

Taking Risks

One of the things I just love about Girls on the Run is watching these girls challenge themselves. Sometimes it’s the physical – running further or faster, and eventually completing that 5K. But just as often it’s taking the mental or emotional risks that allow us to grow as people. On Tuesday as our session wrapped up Lily [names changed] mentioned to me that she had never led our team cheer at the end of practice. I told her to remind me on Thursday. Now, Lily is in 3rd grade and might be the most quiet and shy child I have ever run across. She has a beautiful smile, but even her body language shows how much of a struggle it can be for her to speak up and engage with others.

Well, today's session was about gratitude and being thankful. We went around the circle and each girl had to say something about the person on their right that they were thankful for. One of the fifth graders noted that she was thankful that Lily was one of those who was quiet and respectful of others, and never talked when other people were talking. The day’s workout is often a challenge for the girls because it is a silent run. Unlike all our other practices they may not talk or run with anyone else. It's about using the quiet to think about things we're grateful for, and to see what comes into our mind when life around us is calm.

So as our workout was starting Lily mentioned to me again that she hadn't led the cheer. I asked her if she was sure, because it meant she'd have to yell to get everyone excited. I also told her that I knew deep inside her was a big loud voice waiting to come out, so she should do the run and think about if she wanted to. Fast forward to the end of the session. We all gathered in a circle for our cheer and I said "ok, Lily’s leading us." She looked at me for a long second, and I could see her gathering her strength and courage. Taking a deep breath, she started - "gimme a g. gimme an i. GIMME AN R. GIMME AN L. WHAT DOES THAT SPELL? (girls) WHAT DO WE DO? (run) WHAT DOES THAT MAKE US? GIRLS ON THE RUN!!!" She did it! Her voice was loud and strong. You could see afterwards that she was both relieved it was over, but also bursting with pride.

I was just so proud of her. This was clearly such a huge risk for her to step out of her comfort zone, and she succeeded so totally. It was a beautiful moment to experience. I could relate to the feeling, and it’s one I crave. The absolute scariness of attempting something new. And the complete joy at knowing you’ve conquered another fear, another barrier. There are those days right now where life is so chaotic, where the business side of managing GOTR is stressful. And then there are these rewards that remind me why I love and believe in the empowerment that Girls on the Run brings to its participants.

Why Do Numbers Matter So Much?

A year or two ago we bought one of those Tanita scales, one that does weight but also body fat %. You plug in upfront your height, age, gender and choice of 3 activity levels. I've frankly been ashamed by its readings. You see, it's always told me my body fat % is somewhere on the border of “acceptable” and “unhealthy/obese”. Now, the weight it reflects isn’t great, and I know I’d be fitter and happier if I dropped 10lbs. I’d be a machine if I lost 15 or 20. But even on my worst PMS days, I know I’m not obese. But, that bodyfat % on the scale is still humiliating. Not exactly conducive to a good self image.

Anyway, a few weeks ago it started acting up and then the battery died. We didn't replace it for a week or two, and once we did Stuart starts freaking out. It's telling him his bodyfat percentage is in the high 20%s. As someone who typically has about 8% bodyfat, he is super upset. "Look, I've been injured for a few weeks and I'm ballooning into an unhealthy couch potato. This is horrible. My life is over." I assure him that's not the case and to ignore the scale since clearly something is wrong with it. Instead, like a good engineer, he begins to tinker with it. Turns out that when he put the batteries in, it reset his activity level down to moderate instead of active. He fixes it and boom, it's back on track. Then he notices that mine is on moderate and he was like "really? your'e actually pretty active". So he adjusts mine and my body fat percentage drops almost 50% when I next step on the scale! According to this scale, I've gone from borderline obese levels of fat to being in the "healthy range for athletes".

It's amazing. My weight hasn't changed, but in the last 48hrs my level of disgust when I look in the mirror has dropped dramatically. Pathetic, isn't it? While I personally think that the real percentage is somewhere between healthy athlete and obese, I’m still astonished at myself that one little number has so profoundly impacted my view of myself. Why do random numbers matter so much? Am I truly any more or less fit than I was yesterday? No. Do my clothes fit any looser or tighter? Nope. And does Stuart love me any more or less because of a number on the scale that I wouldn’t even let him see? Of course not. But are my shoulders more square, is my head held higher because a battery-operated machine sitting in my bathroom has evaluated me as more worthy? Yes. And damn it, I HATE that. It’s ridiculous. The scale is there, so I can’t not step on it. After all, I am working to be more fit, and that scale is one method of evaluating that progress.

At the same time, letting it define me is frightening. It’s the “Girl Box” that Girls on the Run founder Molly Barker talks about. Letting our standards be set by those around us. Evaluating our own value based not on our own perceptions of ourselves, but by the arbitrary capriciousness of society or even a malfunctioning electronic gadget. 2009 is challenging me already in a multitude of ways. Understanding how I came to be controlled by numbers is going to be one more thing to wrestle with, confront and hopefully overcome in one way or another.

Wants vs Needs

Last weekend, while at the bike store with Billy, I stumbled upon a beautiful bike -- a 2008 BH Connect Ultegra SL. Gorgeous. Sat on it for a minute, but tore myself away. Until last night, after spin class, Stuart and I wandered in to the store "just to show [him] the bike I saw but we aren't buying."

Twenty minutes later I've taken a short test ride, they've offered me a ridiculously awesome price, discussed financing options and I've said I'll be back Saturday to be fitted on it before making a final purchase decision. The problem is, Stuart and I are very bad influences on each other. We'll both sacrifice for ourselves, but can easily be swayed by the desire to do/say/acquire something to make the other happy. Last night we kept talking it over, knowing we shouldn't do it, but looking for a reason to buy it. This is a want, not a need.

You see, I like my road bike. His name is Coraggio, which means courage in Italian. I named him because I needed some courage to learn to ride and enjoy riding. And he's been good to me. I've put in thousands of miles with him over the past four years - training, racing, commuting, and fun rides. But the truth is, I want more. I'm ready for more. I'm ashamed to admit that I'm ashamed of my bike. Or more appropriately, ashamed of myself that I'm ashamed of my bike. Coraggio's like the kid you were friends with in junior high, and now that you're in high school you still secretly think he's nice, but the other kids tell you he's not cool and so you stop talking to him.

Most of my friends and family with whom I ride have beautiful bikes. They're sleek, sexy, carbon fiber, weigh next to nothing. Bikes that other riders nod at, that garner respect as the kind of bikes that serious cyclists ride. That's not Coraggio. No one would ever describe him in those terms. He's aluminum, with a simple red paint job, and a pretty mediocre set of componentry. A great entry level bike. I'm still not a great cyclist, but I feel like I've definitely improved beyond an entry level rider. I typically place somewhere in the middle of my age group in the bike leg of triathlons. I comfortably finished my first century ride last fall. And I keep wanting a bike that reflects where I'm at as a rider. Which is why this little BH gem spoke to me this week.

I dreamed about this decision, and woke up knowing that buying it wasn't the right decision but still wishing it would be. I keep saying I want a new bike. But I certainly don't need a new bike. Two very different words. Many thanks to Bill for emailing with me all day, helping me justify why this isn't the bike for me. Instead, I think maybe I'll invest in some upgrades for Coraggio. He'll never be the hotshot superstar bike that my friends have. But with a new shiny groupset, he'll shine again in my eyes and move to that next level of ability with me, instead of being left behind as a has-been. Reminding myself that I tri for joy, and he has brought me that. He isn't a hotshot superstar...but neither am I. We're both good, we're both happy and courageous to be out on the road. I need to remember that, and have gratitude for where I've come from and those things (and people) that have helped me make the journey.

Yay for friends like Erin

Major props to Erin today for reading my blog and throwing my words back at me. Stuart finally had his MRI this afternoon, so we drove in together but I brought my bike for the commute home. I had an awesome ride today, averaged over 16.5mph which included all the deceleration and accelerations at lights and road crossings. Temps in the mid-60s. I think I had a bit of a tail wind, because I spent the majority of the ride in my big chain ring, even on the sections of the trail where I normally drop it back. My legs are getting stronger, but not that strong yet.

Got home and grabbed a snack, prepping to meet Tom and Emily at the pool, until Emily called to cancel. Unfortunately, I hadn't yet changed into my swimsuit, so there was lots of disincentive to head to the pool by myself. Luckily....Erin came to the rescue!

She was calling to say that she wasn't going to make it to Girls on the Run in the morning. But when she heard I was about to cop out of the swim, she reminded me that even 30minutes counted. That the motivation and "just do it" would make me happy on the back side. A few more encouraging words and when we hung up I quickly changed my clothes before I could change my mind.

It was a short swim. More of a recovery swim than a workout. But I did make it to the pool, and I'm glad I did. And that's really all it takes. 30minutes here. An hour there. A quick 10 or 15minutes to throw down a few hundred core reps. It's not sudden, but over time that's how you see results. More fitness, more endurance, less fat, more muscle definition, more speed. Nike was right, there are no excuses so Just Do It. So today I'm grateful not just for the sunshine and early spring warmth, but also for Erin.

Taste of Spring

It's coming. Spring. I can feel it. I saw crocuses in bloom in a yard this morning as I walked my dogs. I even took them for a second walk tonite at 7pm thanks to Daylight Savings Time. Our lilac and blueberry bushes have the faintest hint of green buds on them. And I put in over 4.5hrs of biking this weekend in shorts and sleeveless jerseys. My back and shoulders are sore - time for another 50 days of core! But I feel great. I even have the tiniest hint of a tan line on my legs, and a slightly darker face than I did when the weekend started.

Billy came out this weekend and for the first time saw and rode his first bike. I think we overloaded him though, with 40miles of riding yesterday. oops. He was a little sore, but came back for another 20 today. What a stud! We grabbed Bill and Julie from their place and headed down to Mount Vernon and back on Saturday. There were folks on the trail but it actually wasn't as busy as we had expected. Surrounded by folks with way better power-to-weight ratios than me, I still managed to pull for at least a little bit. And Billy did great, just one near wipeout on a tight technical turn.

Today we headed out on our own...airport loop plus I threw in 4 or 5 more miles on the backend while he headed for our house to zonk out. Definitely a lot more people out, but only a few idiots blocking the trail and other lunacy. We had a good time, but he's paying the price for buying a bike with a hardcore racing saddle - not a whole lot of padding down there! We promised him he'd build up butt calluses in no time if he keeps putting in the miles.

This was good. I needed to be out there. Only 9 weeks to the Kinetic Half and I'm getting nervous. Lots to do. Time to get the Orbea serviced and get him out on the road to start putting in miles in aero position. In the interim, I'll sleep well tonight.

Business Development, Fundraising, and Asking for $$

Convincing other people to give you money is a special gift. It's a gift I clearly don't have. It's probably why I got peanuts as an allowance as a kid, and why it took me almost two years to have the courage to lay out the case to my boss for a pay raise. It's best not to think of all the money I didn't earn dueo to my inability to just ask for it.

That weakness is now challenging me in not one but three different important aspects of my life. First, and ironically right now the least important to me, is career-wise. I say least important, because it's the one that I have the least ability to affect right now, so I don't spend a lot of time worrying over it. My firm's career model is such that to make the leap from Associate to Senior Associate you absolutely have to have a "business case". That is, you have to know how to do business development, and in fact already have done quite a bit of it such that you are responsible for a team of more than just a few people generating more than a few million dollars in revenue. All well and good for those who are great at it. Not so much for those of us deemed high performing in functional delivery, but lacking in that ability to approach the client to produce new revenue streams. In theory, the firm is apparently considering revising the people model, as its called, because they're starting to lose some of us to the government and other firms because there's essentially a ceiling to advancement -- both for those of us lacking that skill, but also because there's only so much space in the client environments and not everyone can have their own business. You need some people to actual do the actual work of delivering services!

Anyway, so that's the first area. Second now is Girls on the Run. In addition to the normal effort to gain sponsorship for the race, the Board acknowledges that this year is the right time to undertake a concerted fundraising effort to help the organization continue to grow at its currently accelerating rate. Our Race Director does a fantastic job of getting race sponsorship, but the Board will be taking, I believe, a larger role in the broader fundraising effort. I'm committed to this program, and as a result, in my current role absolutely need to learn and be comfortable with approaching individuals and businesses and advocating on behalf of Girls on the Run of Northern Virginia. We've identified this as one of our top three priorities for the next 12months, and as president, my active participation and leadership in this is critical.

And finally, as it relates to triathlon, there's the whole coaching thing. Friends and family are convinced that I could actually make some money if I wanted to register Tri for Joy as a business. Yet, I continue to feel as if there's so much I need to learn, what's a fair and appropriate amount to charge people for the expertise I already have? At what point do I feel as though I'd be giving folks their money's worth? And, of course, the challenge of not wanting to charge those same friends and family. So do I charge friends of friends? Do I advertise and charge those strangers who approach me? Again, my reticence to place monetary value on my worth, or the worth of organizations important to me (GOTR, my firm, my nascent coaching "business") means dollars I'm losing every day.

How do people do it? I'm impressed by those in sales as a career. Pharmaceutical sales, computer sales, wine sales...just to name things that friends do for a living. It's a skill I'm learning, like so many others these days, because it's just too important not to.

Now THAT'S Training

If I can stay awake until 9:30 tonight I'll consider it a minor miracle. Not much to say except to document some tough tough work today.

We made it to spin class at 7:30 this morning just in time. Bikes were going fast, and a guy who showed up at 7:31 actually got turned away because the class was full. The instructor was awesome -- a triathlete herself, and the class was clearly full of cyclists and triathletes so the entire workout was a solid imitation of a real outdoor ride. During the break between the two classes, we actually contemplated bailing early, but after popping a few Clif Shot Bloks I'm so glad we didn't. First, I got in almost the equivalent of 45miles of riding, which I really needed. Second, I'd have had to live with the fact that I cut out early. Tired and sweaty, we headed home for a hot bath and a nap after a 2:32 ride.

My plan had been to hit the pool this afternoon, something I haven't done in almost two weeks. But Emily called and asked if I'd consider a 6.5mile run with her -- she had one on her schedule but was in need of motivation. Again, I considered saying no. But, I haven't done anything resembling a brick or bike-run day in months, and I knew that I could too easily blow off the swim. Having to meet someone in 45minutes meant no fooling around I was getting another workout in. And, she's just cool, so it would be fun to run with her. I had originally been planning to run with Heather on Sunday, but with Billy coming out from the Academy to spend the day, I knew that wasn't going to happen so this was perfect.

Man, can that woman run!!! They live in super hilly North Arlington, so we ran all over hell and back. Emily chatting the whole time, me gasping for air as I struggled to keep pace and not die as we climbed Military Road. I survived though... 6.5miles in 1:07. Acceptable, but a good kick in the pants. Ten weeks from today until the Kinetic Half. I need to do a LOT of work between now and then. Now if only it weren't supposed to SNOW tomorrow. Seriously, I need to move south.

First though, I need a huge bowl of homemade soup and some quality time with my pillow tonight!

Topsy Turvy Day

Thank goodness for friends, acquaintances and good old-fashioned sweat. After Daniel's supposed last night here, during which he cooked an amazing meal for us, Julie, and Bill, and then at midnight per his request I gave him a haircut with the dog clippers(!), I knew the morning would dawn early. As I walked into work, grabbing a big cup of coffee, it finally hit me that my Granni was gone. That now I didn't have any grandmothers. I suddenly felt very lost and sitting at my desk found myself in tears.

My sister-in-law Connie had emailed me last week that she knew sometimes it takes a while before the reality of death sets in. And I think that because we came back from her funeral and immediately had to get ready for Dan's arrival, I sort of filed it away. Sad, but coping. So this morning, having said goodbye to Daniel and therefore realizing we were moving back into normal day-to-day life, that grief kind of hit. Not just missing my Granni, but also missing my Grandma (who died in 2004) all over again. Two amazing women who played such central roles in my life. My heart aches that I'll never hear their voices call me by their pet names for me. Never feel either of them hug me. Never hear Granni say "I'm nuts about you" or Grandma say "be not afraid" - my little catch phrase with each of them. And I'm sad.

It's something I suppose is to be expected, but not great timing as I was prepping for a big meeting with my client and the characters over at the Pentagon. An email to my uncle, a call to one of my best friends, and a hug from another friend who happened to stick her head in my cube (thanks, KZ!), and I managed to pull myself together without any of the client staff realizing that moments earlier I had mascara leaking down my face. Luckily, the meeting was actually energizing. I enjoy negotiations and it got me in a more positive mood. On the way home, I also talked to Erin and we're both so ready to kick off the new Girls on the Run season next week. I know I was in need of reasons to smile, to shore up the hole in my heart.

Get home, putzing around, and Stuart's phone rings. It's Dan, still at BWI and his flight was cancelled due to weather in Minneapolis (his layover). So, he's headed back to Arlington for one more night with us. Great, no problem. I cry a little bit more to Stuart but then get ready for the =PR= run.

What a surprise -- Amy actually shows up tonight!! (just teasing, since I know she reads this). It was a tough route, but one I'd recommended a month or so ago since it's partially through this really pretty neighborhood that I love. Lots of steady uphills, so no rest for the weary. Amy, Shannon and I ran together, and they wouldn't let me slack. I felt sluggish, and was breathing very hard the whole way -- definitely a tough tempo run. Usually I can always manage to at least come up with a burst of speed for the last block or two sprint back to the store. Not tonight, I just didn't have that extra gear. I hung in there, but it wasn't too pretty! 4.5miles in less than 45min including stops at multiple stoplights, so that's not too shabby I suppose. And, it did help a little bit that it was in the high 50s. So nice to wear capris and just one long-sleeve shirt. 23 days until spring!!!! We're all so psyched that we only have one more run in the darkness before Daylight Savings Time. Yay!!

Home to Stuart, Dan and the dogs, Thai food and the very disturbing "Batman: The Dark Knight" on DVD. They're still watching it as I write this, but I'm already anticipating nightmares from the thriller elements of the first half of the movie, so I walked out midway to write this entry instead.

Emotionally, I think I'm spent today. I have to work tomorrow, but am ready for another weekend. At the same time, I'm filled with gratitude to be surrounded by friends, family and acquaintances who, knowingly or not, are able to buoy me and give me strength when I'm faltering. I know I'll be okay. Today was a reminder that there is a process I need to go through and no matter how hard I try, I can't just put it aside. But, I have faith ("be not afraid"). I have the love of those around me ("I'm nuts about you"). And I have two grandmothers in Heaven right now who helped make me strong, and they wouldn't have it any other way.

Running the Sahara

My friend Andrea, whom I was lucky enough to meet through Trifuel, has been a role model since meeting her a year and a half ago. Not only is she chasing her third Ironman, but she's taken up ultra-running and makes it seem so alluring. She also is constantly taunting/daring/ encouraging me to try one with her some day, but so far I've demurred. But, I've constantly been leery, boy is that a LOT of running, and especially with the tendonitis I've been battling since 2007, even a once-simple marathon seems out of my reach.

Tonight was my standard Thursday night women's run with Potomac River Running, and for the first time in a while I was the slowest one there. Granted, I've missed the last two weeks between Granni's funeral and just emotional/physical exhaustion. So maybe I haven't put in a really hard run since January. But also just that the women there tonite were good, including the newcomer who explained that her slow pace was a 9:30 mile. Amy (the store caboose) stood me up, so I was in for some work to make sure that I wasn't the one who got dropped. Long story short -- thank God for a few traffic lights and the headwinds which had us change our route, I managed to hang on. Accounting for stops at lights, I ended up averaging about a 9:13 pace for the 4.5miles. Dang fast for me!!! I came home frozen, and spent a good twenty minutes in a hot shower trying to thaw out.

Surfing channels with Dan (that's him in the middle between my two nephews in a photo from his visit last May) I saw that Showtime was showing "Running the Sahara", which I'd heard about but never seen. I didn't think we got that channel,but Daniel clicked it just to check, and sure enough, we came in about halfway through the movie. I was instantly entranced. Obviously we missed the beginning where they likely described their motivations and purpose, but instead were thrust right into the middle of the expedition. Watching the emotional peaks and valleys, trying to understand even a fraction of what their minds and bodies were experiencing, the aches from my run just an hour earlier suddenly seemed less acute.

I finished watching with tears rolling down my cheeks, moved by the same emotions I feel watching anything from the Tour de France, to Ironman races, to any demonstration of man pushing the limits of his abilities. A thread on Trifuel the last day or two is questioning triathlon as art. While I don't think of my own training as art (more like plodding along!), I do find beauty in images (whether still or live) of athletes in motion. Is beauty art? If so, the power I find in these images is, to me, art as powerful as the most beautiful scenes in the museums and cathedrals of Europe.

And suddenly, motivation I'd been seeking has presented itself. The power of the spirit to reach beyond the possible. Suddenly, a simple little 60min workout seems like nothing. As I continue to put out there my desire to push my own limits - an Ironman, maybe an ultra run - draw strength from the achievements of others. Why am I seeking these metaphorical mountain tops? What draws me?

Maybe it's the idea that I will someday see my own journey as art. That, in the words of Christina Aguilera, "I am beautiful in every single way". For now, watching others and gaining faith in my own possibilities is enough. And Andrea, don't think that part of that dream doesn't involve joining you at a starting line somewhere and someday!

Sharing a hobby

My stepson Daniel arrived Tuesday evening for a ten day visit from California. Unless you and your folks are best friends, I've found that one of the challenges of adult children visiting their parents is how to spend that "quality time". I know it's something I sort of dread when visiting my own parents -- these are the people that raised you, but you have different lives and different interests. How do you find ways to enjoy time together without always carrying the baggage of childhood with you.

We love Daniel very much and hate that for now he has chosen to establish his life so far away. But, in terms of how we spend our free time, his choices and our's tend to be radically different. And especially with Stuart's shoulder not working right now, things like golf (which was a hobby they used to share together when Dan was younger) aren't an option. So yesterday we proposed that he come to spin class with us. Surprisingly he was game.

We arrived super early to get good bikes (turns out they've redone the cycle room and they're all good now), get Daniel set up, and just get an extra 30min of riding done. It took him about 20 min to get dialed in and comfortable, but he was pretty open minded about it. This wasn't our favorite instructor, but it was kind of fun to watch Stuart and Dan working and sweating side by side. He hung with it through the entire workout, which was impressive for a first-timer.

Afterwards, he kept a positive attitude, but wouldn't commit to doing it once more with us next week before he leaves. Whether he does or doesn't, I know it meant a lot to Stuart (and to me) that he was willing to engage in something important to us. And maybe we gave him a peek into the benefits, fun and endorphins that are involved in healthy lifestyle choices. The real challenge as parents is how to find those of his pasttimes and pursuits that we aren't in conflict about, and engage him. Let him broaden our view into his world.

Is it February...or is it April???

Back and forth to Ohio this week for my Granni's funeral, I was consoling myself that "it's only February". And that while I should be ramping up training soon, it's still that winter base phase, so another few days of poor or missed workouts wasn't a nightmare.

Yesterday though, I made a realization. Since I decided to sign up for an early season half ironman, February is no longer February. Instead, it's more like April or May in that I have a major race only 2-1/2months from now. yikes! With that in mind, I got in a couple of solid training sessions this weekend.

Friday afternoon I snuck over to the pool once we got back from Ohio. Then yesterday, Nick and I got in another awesome 8mile run before a romantic Valentines Day dinner with Stuart. He was just so happy the whole time, a nice steady pace...nothing worth writing home about, but a good distance type of run.

Then today I met up with Emily for a solid bike ride. Dang is it hilly between her house and mine!!! My legs were already hurting from yesterday's run, and as we headed down Sycamore towards the W&OD we both hit these nasty potholes under the overpass. It wasn't until a mile down the road that I realized my water bottle had been ejected. ugh. Luckily we were taking it easy. It was sunny but still cold, and my already raw throat had me gasping for air quite a bit. Despite all that, we put in a respectable 33miles today.

Now at home watching the Tour of California and preparing for another USA Triathlon coaching webinar. I still feel as if there's so much to learn before advertising for clients, but I'm doing everything I can to grab that knowledge with both hands.

Weekend Fun

After last week's busy and tense weekend, this one was awesome. First, Billy's last home swim meet, so my aunt, uncle and youngest cousin Katie came up from NC for the weekend. He did awesome, as usual. He's such an incredible swimmer, and we're going to miss him once he heads to Pensacola this fall for flight school.

In the meantime, much fun seeing Katie, too.

On top of the family fun, it was WARM outside. As in 60+ degrees warm. Saturday before heading to Billy's meet, Nick and I snuck out for another 4-ish mile run. It's about that time of year that I should start wearing my heart rate monitor again, but I've definitley gotten used to running without it.

This afternoon, after they all left, it was time to pull out the road bike. Stuart rode this morning with our neighbor Eric so I was on my own. Shorts, short-sleeved DC Tri jersey and arm warmers. Beautiful weather, and as I'm coasting down our street towards the trail I'm all smiley and cheery. And then I turned west -- to be met head-on by a strong wind. Luckily, it wasn't a cold wind, but it was powerful. And without Stuart to block it for me, I averaged around 13mph for the first hour of my ride. This was supposed to be a longer, aerobic ride and so I chose not to fight the wind, although I am a bit embarassed for my tri club teammates that I was out there toddling along in club gear. I made up for it once I turned around,though. Gotta love a tail wind!

By late in the week it will be back down in the 40s, but this was a great respite from winter. Only about 40 days until spring and only about 90 days until my first half ironman of the season. yikes!

Getting Back in the Groove

After a great start to 2009, January ended with a whimper. Girls on the Run of NoVA is going through some staff and Board transitions, which is always both a scary and exciting time for any organization. As of the 8hr(!) Board meeting this past Saturday, I'm now the Board President. That culminated a week in which I put in probably about 25hrs of GOTR-related time on top of my normal job.

Throw in a quick trip home to see my very ill Granni, and other than Thursday's =PR= run, my body was almost forgetting how to sweat. Yes, I've kept up with the 50 Days of Core, which ends on February 13th, but most of the last week was about remembering to throw down a quick 25 half-asleep crunches before climbing into bed.

After spending yesterday in the cardiac ICU, my alarm went off this morning at 3:45 so that I could catch my 6am flight back to DC. Stuart picked me up at the airport, and fortified by a pre-flight mocha and post-flight vanilla latte, I managed to survive the workday. Getting home I was SO tempted to bag a workout and take a nap. But, my first tri of the season is only three months away. Waiting until April to be serious won't cut it. What do I want to accomplish this year? Am I happy being average? Maybe even if I bust my tail I'll still be middle of the pack, but have I really truly given my all in the past four seasons of triathlon? Then the question is, what am I waiting for? I need to stop dreaming and, like Nike says, Just Do It. The last week or two of GOTR shows that I have the available time, and the self discipline....if it's important enough to me. So, is it? That needs to be the million dollar question as I start to think about 6am workouts. Soon enough the light will come and rides to work will be possible. In fact, I think we're there....I just again need to get in the habit. Winter's not over, but my time for excuses really is.

So buoyed by the near 50 degree weather, I threw on a long sleeve t-shirt and some capris, and Nick and I did an easy 3miles as the sun set. We then tacked on an extra mile walking the neighborhood with a very happy Joe and Ally. Nothing long, or even too terribly taxing, but an acceptable slide back into a routine for now.

25 Things About Me (I know, I'm lame)

Always swore I'd never do this...but since I've added playing on Facebook as one of my hobbies, and 2 people "tagged" me today, I decided what the heck. I needed to do something entertaining and mindless to decompress for a few minutes today. And since I wrote them once, I figured I'd share them here, too.

So, things about me...
1. I got glasses in kindergarten...they were bifocals.

2. I skipped the first grade (not an easy social experience for a nerdy kid wearing bifocals!).

3. Together with my brother, we are godparents to our youngest cousin, Katie. She's awesome.

4. One of my great loves is coaching Girls on the Run.

5. I'm also a USA Triathlon certified triathlon coach.

6. I love to cook, but am a terrible baker.

7. Although I did make and present dessert once to the President's National Security Advisor.

8. I was the intramural racquetball champion at my university two years in a row.

9. My first car was my grandfather's 1976 sky blue Chevy Caprice convertible. I loved it!

10. I'm left-handed, but use a computer mouse, scissors and corkscrew right-handed.

11. Although I've intensively studied Russian, German and to a lesser extent Italian, I'm not currently proficient in any of them.

12. I still have a bottle of wine from a tasting in an underground winery in Moldova.

13. My road bike and triathlon bike both have names.

14. I have a not-so-secret crush on pro triathlete Craig Alexander.

15. But I still love my husband more than I ever thought it possible to love someone. (he's very understanding of #14)

16. I think my springer spaniel Ally might be my psychic twin.

17. I developed a seizure disorder when I was 26.

18. When I had my last seizure five years ago, I was driving and totaled my car.

19. I've developed a love of gardening, and we had our first organic vegetable garden last summer.

20. Other than me, no one knows whether I voted for McCain or Obama.

21. The two major personal goals I have right now are to complete an Ironman and find a way to live abroad for some period of time.

22. When we first met, my husband thought I was married to my brother.

23. I shattered my own tooth playing tennis by hitting myself in the face with my racquet.

24. I also broke my finger playing field hockey, and have matching gear scars on both my legs from falling over on my bikes.

25. I owned a hot pink bowling ball as a kid, and it now serves as a white-trash garden ornament in my vegetable garden.

Spin Class Redux

Now that I've showered, eaten (awesome omelets a la Stuart) and had a nap, I'm ready to think rationally about today's workout.

The planned workout today was a 3hr bike ride, which I knew wasn't going to happen either outside or on the trainer. Best we could hope for was to drag ourselves out of bed and do the 8:30 and 10am spin classes back to back, shooting for at least 2 and 1/2hrs. We succeeded in obeying the alarm clock, and were on the spin bikes and pedaling away by 8:20. Good start! First hour was pretty good - a motivating instructor, someone who acknowledged that she was a cyclist and therefore did cycling-like workouts. I held back a bit, knowing I had a much longer workout scheduled than the instructor did, and redlining it for the first hour would make the next 90min sheer hell. Holding back didn't mean soft-pedaling, though...my quads were burning by 9:30.

First class over, all but one other girl cleared out. Stuart and I took quick turns refilling our water bottles and popped a couple of shot bloks with a nice Zone 2 effort.

Second instructor arrives, this class is much more full than the previous one. She asks if anyone minds if we use an 80s mix. I'm a little skeptical, but what the heck. First song comes on and it's "Kyrie Eleison", which I happen to love and is on my iPod. So, I'm smiling. The hour goes really quickly - she actually chose a great selection of music, but I'm less than thrilled with her. To me, when the instructor says "On a scale of 1-10, with 10 as the toughest, spin at a 5." Ok, I'm there. "Now, crank it to an 8 and speed up! Now to a 10. And then harder still!". Um, wasn't 8 supposed to be really damn hard, and 10 has me about to die and fall off my bike? Then how come you are still spinning at 90rpm and you want me to go even harder than 10 which is supposed to be the hardest amount of resistance I can still pedal against? We decided on the way home that instructor girl wasn't very good at faking working hard, or at understanding what a RPE scale is about.

In any event, we survived the second hour. Didn't get the full 3hrs, but I did the equivalent of 40-something miles of biking. And boy are we feeling it! This is the longest nonstop ride I've done since October. A good kick in the pants that I have a half ironman in less than 4 months.

What a Week

Somehow, 168hrs have gone by since I last wrote here. I say somehow because life feels like it's at breakneck pace right now - if I had the time to write, there's lots to say. Lots of stuff at work, which is good. I mean, if you have to be there for 40-ish hours per week of your life, it might as well be productive time, right? I've had my share of jobs/projects where, due to my efficiency or just the project itself, I spent way too much time twiddling thumbs, dreaming of how I'd be spending that time if I weren't stuck at a desk for an arbitrary amount of time.

On top of that, the days are ticking until I officially assume my role as president of the Board. It's mean interviews, meetings, strategic planning, and EMAILS beyond all comprehension. Seriously, like 50 a day. In addition as an example, I had a meeting Friday after work, one yesterday afternoon, one today, and a conference call tomorrow night. Luckily, as I get to know individual Board members bit by bit, overall it seems like a good group of smart, passionate people to be working with. I don't expect this tempo to last, but while it does it's definitely going to challenge my multi-tasking and self discipline skills!

Surprisingly, I've actually managed to fit most (not all) of my scheduled workouts in. Enough that I feel like I haven't totally slacked. 2 swims, 2 bikes (including a 2-1/2hr spin session this morning), 2 runs, 2 strength sessions and 7 days of core. That's right, happily I'm still on track for the 50 Days of Core challenge. When the abs reach the breaking point, I'll dial it back to a simple 25 or 50 reps for a day or two...basically enough to keep the streak but still have a recovery day. I'm not sure I'm seeing a change, but I can definitely feel things happening under all that "adipose tissue". And, maybe it's just a placebo effect, but my swimming seems to be improving, too. My stroke count is dropping and I at least feel faster when I'm in the pool.

All is good. Few complaints. But apologies to readers for an even less introspective set of posts than prior....time for deep thinking is probably one of the victims of my current schedule.

Stay warm....eight weeks until the official start of spring!!