Sticking with it

Yesterday, I missed my first scheduled workout in three weeks. I've been very disciplined and focused in this final run-up to my first race of the season, but last night I was exhausted. I practically fell asleep driving home from work. So a nap rather than spin class and a run was the right decision.

Tonight was a tough swim workout I'd been dreading all week. Stuart and I went together -- his second time in the pool since January thanks to his shoulder. After Monday's awesome swim, I should have been prepared for a rough night. I just could not get in the rhythm. 50yds and I was out of breath. I was supposed to do 8x300's at faster than race pace on only 15-30 seconds of rest. Tough work! And I just couldn't get it moving. I was pausing for air and a drink of water after every 100yds. It was miserable.

Stuart hit 1500yds and was done. I was so tempted to call it quits and get out of the pool with him. Instead, I sent him to the store and told him to come back and grab me when he was done. That way I'd have nothing to do except stay in the pool and swim. Eventually, after what felt like an 1800yd warmup I started to get in the groove. I still only swam 2500yds, but that last 800 or so were the best of the night. My form felt on, my speed had improved, and I cranked through a couple of those 300s feeling good and proud.

Something I've really focused on the last year or so is my mental toughness. When I think of myself, I always want to describe myself as tough, strong and assertive. Yet, deep inside I know that I can easily talk myself out of or into anything. When no one is looking, it's easy to cut corners. I'm realizing, though, that I'm letting myself down. And even if they don't know it, I'm letting down my Girls on the Run, friends, colleagues or others who might claim to admire or respect me for some reason. I owe it to them, not just to me, to not quit. Workouts like tonight are ones I need to remember. Just because the start is slow, awkward or tough, doesn't mean that workout or that race or even that day are a waste. Finding the strength to push through the rough spots is what bit by bit reinforces that original strength. The ultimate "do loop" in the words of my husband.

Unexpectedly great workout

Long story short -- I almost blew off today's swim workout. Late getting home. Felt the dogs needed attention and a walk. Just generally lost my mojo. Tried to tell myself that I'd get up at 5am and do it. While walking the dogs though, I knew I'd be mad at myself if I didn't get it done tonight. So when we got back to the house I threw on my swimsuit, and raced to the pool.

I had less than an hour, so knew I wouldn't get the entire 1,600yds of warmup and cool-down done (!), but had faith that I could do a short warmup and the main set. Mondays are the long aerobic workouts. Good steady sets, a mix of 75s, descending 25s and a series of 200s. Out of nowhere they were all solid. My form felt good, my head was down and although I wasn't really closely watching my splits, I could tell they were faster than they were just a few months ago.

As I sit here I realize that's an experience I could have missed. Sure, I might have gotten some paperwork done. Played a few rounds of websudoku. Seen what my friends are up to on Facebook. And somehow I'd have justified to myself that the short time frame I had tonight wasn't worth the effort to make it to the pool. And yet I would have been wrong and deluding myself.

At the end of the day, it's almost always worth it. If nothing else about this day I'll have the knowledge that I achieved something and did something for myself.

Then again....

...maybe not. There's nothing like stating an outlandish goal out loud to make you feel obligated to live up to it. Until life smacks you in the face, or in the case, in the leg.

Met up with Heather this afternoon to run. She was doing 21 in preparation for Boston in a few weeks. My goal was 9-10 miles, and so Nick and I decided to join her. Not even 4miles into this stupid run, my posterior tibialis flared up and I was reduced to a jog/walk combination. SO FRUSTRATING!!! I called it quits at 7.5miles. A very very slow 7.5miles.

Trying to up my hours for the day though, I did head to the gym for another hour to lift and do some core work. So from a training perspective, it was a good day. Just not the great day I'd been planning on.

Public apologies to Heather that she ran more of her day alone than I had hoped. Sorry!!

The Power of Suggestion - an Ultra

After enough emails and blog comments, she may have done it. Worn me down into agreeing to something that seems crazy. In addition to two half ironmans, multiple other triathlons, and signing up for Ironman Louisville for 2010, I think I just agreed to begin training for my first ultra-marathon. Yea, not sure what I'm thinking. FIFTY KILOMETERS is a long freakin' way to run/walk/hobble. But Andrea assures me that it's just a few miles longer than a marathon, and the John Holmes 50K is a very first-timer friendly event.

I did my first 5K back in about 1996 or 1997, a Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure. At the time never imagining that I would do a marathon. And in 2000 I completed my first marathon, not even knowing there was such a thing as ultras. Somehow, though, I always seem to be peeking over the horizon, wondering what's possible and what I am capable of. Where is my limit? Will I eventually try something that I can't achieve?

The caveat in this is how my posterior tibialis responds to increasing run volume. Over the spring and summer, my plan is to start increasing my long run distances. If I realize that it can't handle it, then this is an adventure that will go back on the shelf. But maybe with care and caution, I can cross another finish line this year.

Hard Work and Recovery

Ok, so OWWWW!!!! I had forgotten just how ugly and painful that transition to a run can be. Yesterday was my first real brick of the season - meaning a measurable run after an equally measurable bike. Stuart and I got in close to 3hrs on our bikes on Sunday afternoon. Beautiful sunshiney day, but still chilly. Got home, swapped out the bike jersey for a long sleeve t-shirt and grabbed Nick's leash.

And then the pain hit. I was hobbling like some pathetic old lady. Normally Nick would be pulling ahead, but I think even he realized that this wasn't too pretty. After the first mile I seemed to ease into it but oh boy could this be a long day in May! I managed three miles, and sure, could have done more, but was very glad that the training plan called for only a 20-30min run!

Today was worth it, though. I just spent an hour with my massage therapist. He focused on that irritated tricep and deltoid, as well as the posterior and anterior tibealis on both legs. Already I can feel that many of those aches and pains have subsided. If only my health insurance covered therapeutic massage, I'd be seeing him a couple times per month. Stuart's seeing his physio twice a week, so dang it, I went ahead and made another appointment for the week of Kinetic. He shouldn't be the only one in this house getting massaged and manipulated!

Taking Risks

One of the things I just love about Girls on the Run is watching these girls challenge themselves. Sometimes it’s the physical – running further or faster, and eventually completing that 5K. But just as often it’s taking the mental or emotional risks that allow us to grow as people. On Tuesday as our session wrapped up Lily [names changed] mentioned to me that she had never led our team cheer at the end of practice. I told her to remind me on Thursday. Now, Lily is in 3rd grade and might be the most quiet and shy child I have ever run across. She has a beautiful smile, but even her body language shows how much of a struggle it can be for her to speak up and engage with others.

Well, today's session was about gratitude and being thankful. We went around the circle and each girl had to say something about the person on their right that they were thankful for. One of the fifth graders noted that she was thankful that Lily was one of those who was quiet and respectful of others, and never talked when other people were talking. The day’s workout is often a challenge for the girls because it is a silent run. Unlike all our other practices they may not talk or run with anyone else. It's about using the quiet to think about things we're grateful for, and to see what comes into our mind when life around us is calm.

So as our workout was starting Lily mentioned to me again that she hadn't led the cheer. I asked her if she was sure, because it meant she'd have to yell to get everyone excited. I also told her that I knew deep inside her was a big loud voice waiting to come out, so she should do the run and think about if she wanted to. Fast forward to the end of the session. We all gathered in a circle for our cheer and I said "ok, Lily’s leading us." She looked at me for a long second, and I could see her gathering her strength and courage. Taking a deep breath, she started - "gimme a g. gimme an i. GIMME AN R. GIMME AN L. WHAT DOES THAT SPELL? (girls) WHAT DO WE DO? (run) WHAT DOES THAT MAKE US? GIRLS ON THE RUN!!!" She did it! Her voice was loud and strong. You could see afterwards that she was both relieved it was over, but also bursting with pride.

I was just so proud of her. This was clearly such a huge risk for her to step out of her comfort zone, and she succeeded so totally. It was a beautiful moment to experience. I could relate to the feeling, and it’s one I crave. The absolute scariness of attempting something new. And the complete joy at knowing you’ve conquered another fear, another barrier. There are those days right now where life is so chaotic, where the business side of managing GOTR is stressful. And then there are these rewards that remind me why I love and believe in the empowerment that Girls on the Run brings to its participants.

Why Do Numbers Matter So Much?

A year or two ago we bought one of those Tanita scales, one that does weight but also body fat %. You plug in upfront your height, age, gender and choice of 3 activity levels. I've frankly been ashamed by its readings. You see, it's always told me my body fat % is somewhere on the border of “acceptable” and “unhealthy/obese”. Now, the weight it reflects isn’t great, and I know I’d be fitter and happier if I dropped 10lbs. I’d be a machine if I lost 15 or 20. But even on my worst PMS days, I know I’m not obese. But, that bodyfat % on the scale is still humiliating. Not exactly conducive to a good self image.

Anyway, a few weeks ago it started acting up and then the battery died. We didn't replace it for a week or two, and once we did Stuart starts freaking out. It's telling him his bodyfat percentage is in the high 20%s. As someone who typically has about 8% bodyfat, he is super upset. "Look, I've been injured for a few weeks and I'm ballooning into an unhealthy couch potato. This is horrible. My life is over." I assure him that's not the case and to ignore the scale since clearly something is wrong with it. Instead, like a good engineer, he begins to tinker with it. Turns out that when he put the batteries in, it reset his activity level down to moderate instead of active. He fixes it and boom, it's back on track. Then he notices that mine is on moderate and he was like "really? your'e actually pretty active". So he adjusts mine and my body fat percentage drops almost 50% when I next step on the scale! According to this scale, I've gone from borderline obese levels of fat to being in the "healthy range for athletes".

It's amazing. My weight hasn't changed, but in the last 48hrs my level of disgust when I look in the mirror has dropped dramatically. Pathetic, isn't it? While I personally think that the real percentage is somewhere between healthy athlete and obese, I’m still astonished at myself that one little number has so profoundly impacted my view of myself. Why do random numbers matter so much? Am I truly any more or less fit than I was yesterday? No. Do my clothes fit any looser or tighter? Nope. And does Stuart love me any more or less because of a number on the scale that I wouldn’t even let him see? Of course not. But are my shoulders more square, is my head held higher because a battery-operated machine sitting in my bathroom has evaluated me as more worthy? Yes. And damn it, I HATE that. It’s ridiculous. The scale is there, so I can’t not step on it. After all, I am working to be more fit, and that scale is one method of evaluating that progress.

At the same time, letting it define me is frightening. It’s the “Girl Box” that Girls on the Run founder Molly Barker talks about. Letting our standards be set by those around us. Evaluating our own value based not on our own perceptions of ourselves, but by the arbitrary capriciousness of society or even a malfunctioning electronic gadget. 2009 is challenging me already in a multitude of ways. Understanding how I came to be controlled by numbers is going to be one more thing to wrestle with, confront and hopefully overcome in one way or another.

Wants vs Needs

Last weekend, while at the bike store with Billy, I stumbled upon a beautiful bike -- a 2008 BH Connect Ultegra SL. Gorgeous. Sat on it for a minute, but tore myself away. Until last night, after spin class, Stuart and I wandered in to the store "just to show [him] the bike I saw but we aren't buying."

Twenty minutes later I've taken a short test ride, they've offered me a ridiculously awesome price, discussed financing options and I've said I'll be back Saturday to be fitted on it before making a final purchase decision. The problem is, Stuart and I are very bad influences on each other. We'll both sacrifice for ourselves, but can easily be swayed by the desire to do/say/acquire something to make the other happy. Last night we kept talking it over, knowing we shouldn't do it, but looking for a reason to buy it. This is a want, not a need.

You see, I like my road bike. His name is Coraggio, which means courage in Italian. I named him because I needed some courage to learn to ride and enjoy riding. And he's been good to me. I've put in thousands of miles with him over the past four years - training, racing, commuting, and fun rides. But the truth is, I want more. I'm ready for more. I'm ashamed to admit that I'm ashamed of my bike. Or more appropriately, ashamed of myself that I'm ashamed of my bike. Coraggio's like the kid you were friends with in junior high, and now that you're in high school you still secretly think he's nice, but the other kids tell you he's not cool and so you stop talking to him.

Most of my friends and family with whom I ride have beautiful bikes. They're sleek, sexy, carbon fiber, weigh next to nothing. Bikes that other riders nod at, that garner respect as the kind of bikes that serious cyclists ride. That's not Coraggio. No one would ever describe him in those terms. He's aluminum, with a simple red paint job, and a pretty mediocre set of componentry. A great entry level bike. I'm still not a great cyclist, but I feel like I've definitely improved beyond an entry level rider. I typically place somewhere in the middle of my age group in the bike leg of triathlons. I comfortably finished my first century ride last fall. And I keep wanting a bike that reflects where I'm at as a rider. Which is why this little BH gem spoke to me this week.

I dreamed about this decision, and woke up knowing that buying it wasn't the right decision but still wishing it would be. I keep saying I want a new bike. But I certainly don't need a new bike. Two very different words. Many thanks to Bill for emailing with me all day, helping me justify why this isn't the bike for me. Instead, I think maybe I'll invest in some upgrades for Coraggio. He'll never be the hotshot superstar bike that my friends have. But with a new shiny groupset, he'll shine again in my eyes and move to that next level of ability with me, instead of being left behind as a has-been. Reminding myself that I tri for joy, and he has brought me that. He isn't a hotshot superstar...but neither am I. We're both good, we're both happy and courageous to be out on the road. I need to remember that, and have gratitude for where I've come from and those things (and people) that have helped me make the journey.

Yay for friends like Erin

Major props to Erin today for reading my blog and throwing my words back at me. Stuart finally had his MRI this afternoon, so we drove in together but I brought my bike for the commute home. I had an awesome ride today, averaged over 16.5mph which included all the deceleration and accelerations at lights and road crossings. Temps in the mid-60s. I think I had a bit of a tail wind, because I spent the majority of the ride in my big chain ring, even on the sections of the trail where I normally drop it back. My legs are getting stronger, but not that strong yet.

Got home and grabbed a snack, prepping to meet Tom and Emily at the pool, until Emily called to cancel. Unfortunately, I hadn't yet changed into my swimsuit, so there was lots of disincentive to head to the pool by myself. Luckily....Erin came to the rescue!

She was calling to say that she wasn't going to make it to Girls on the Run in the morning. But when she heard I was about to cop out of the swim, she reminded me that even 30minutes counted. That the motivation and "just do it" would make me happy on the back side. A few more encouraging words and when we hung up I quickly changed my clothes before I could change my mind.

It was a short swim. More of a recovery swim than a workout. But I did make it to the pool, and I'm glad I did. And that's really all it takes. 30minutes here. An hour there. A quick 10 or 15minutes to throw down a few hundred core reps. It's not sudden, but over time that's how you see results. More fitness, more endurance, less fat, more muscle definition, more speed. Nike was right, there are no excuses so Just Do It. So today I'm grateful not just for the sunshine and early spring warmth, but also for Erin.

Taste of Spring

It's coming. Spring. I can feel it. I saw crocuses in bloom in a yard this morning as I walked my dogs. I even took them for a second walk tonite at 7pm thanks to Daylight Savings Time. Our lilac and blueberry bushes have the faintest hint of green buds on them. And I put in over 4.5hrs of biking this weekend in shorts and sleeveless jerseys. My back and shoulders are sore - time for another 50 days of core! But I feel great. I even have the tiniest hint of a tan line on my legs, and a slightly darker face than I did when the weekend started.

Billy came out this weekend and for the first time saw and rode his first bike. I think we overloaded him though, with 40miles of riding yesterday. oops. He was a little sore, but came back for another 20 today. What a stud! We grabbed Bill and Julie from their place and headed down to Mount Vernon and back on Saturday. There were folks on the trail but it actually wasn't as busy as we had expected. Surrounded by folks with way better power-to-weight ratios than me, I still managed to pull for at least a little bit. And Billy did great, just one near wipeout on a tight technical turn.

Today we headed out on our own...airport loop plus I threw in 4 or 5 more miles on the backend while he headed for our house to zonk out. Definitely a lot more people out, but only a few idiots blocking the trail and other lunacy. We had a good time, but he's paying the price for buying a bike with a hardcore racing saddle - not a whole lot of padding down there! We promised him he'd build up butt calluses in no time if he keeps putting in the miles.

This was good. I needed to be out there. Only 9 weeks to the Kinetic Half and I'm getting nervous. Lots to do. Time to get the Orbea serviced and get him out on the road to start putting in miles in aero position. In the interim, I'll sleep well tonight.

Business Development, Fundraising, and Asking for $$

Convincing other people to give you money is a special gift. It's a gift I clearly don't have. It's probably why I got peanuts as an allowance as a kid, and why it took me almost two years to have the courage to lay out the case to my boss for a pay raise. It's best not to think of all the money I didn't earn dueo to my inability to just ask for it.

That weakness is now challenging me in not one but three different important aspects of my life. First, and ironically right now the least important to me, is career-wise. I say least important, because it's the one that I have the least ability to affect right now, so I don't spend a lot of time worrying over it. My firm's career model is such that to make the leap from Associate to Senior Associate you absolutely have to have a "business case". That is, you have to know how to do business development, and in fact already have done quite a bit of it such that you are responsible for a team of more than just a few people generating more than a few million dollars in revenue. All well and good for those who are great at it. Not so much for those of us deemed high performing in functional delivery, but lacking in that ability to approach the client to produce new revenue streams. In theory, the firm is apparently considering revising the people model, as its called, because they're starting to lose some of us to the government and other firms because there's essentially a ceiling to advancement -- both for those of us lacking that skill, but also because there's only so much space in the client environments and not everyone can have their own business. You need some people to actual do the actual work of delivering services!

Anyway, so that's the first area. Second now is Girls on the Run. In addition to the normal effort to gain sponsorship for the race, the Board acknowledges that this year is the right time to undertake a concerted fundraising effort to help the organization continue to grow at its currently accelerating rate. Our Race Director does a fantastic job of getting race sponsorship, but the Board will be taking, I believe, a larger role in the broader fundraising effort. I'm committed to this program, and as a result, in my current role absolutely need to learn and be comfortable with approaching individuals and businesses and advocating on behalf of Girls on the Run of Northern Virginia. We've identified this as one of our top three priorities for the next 12months, and as president, my active participation and leadership in this is critical.

And finally, as it relates to triathlon, there's the whole coaching thing. Friends and family are convinced that I could actually make some money if I wanted to register Tri for Joy as a business. Yet, I continue to feel as if there's so much I need to learn, what's a fair and appropriate amount to charge people for the expertise I already have? At what point do I feel as though I'd be giving folks their money's worth? And, of course, the challenge of not wanting to charge those same friends and family. So do I charge friends of friends? Do I advertise and charge those strangers who approach me? Again, my reticence to place monetary value on my worth, or the worth of organizations important to me (GOTR, my firm, my nascent coaching "business") means dollars I'm losing every day.

How do people do it? I'm impressed by those in sales as a career. Pharmaceutical sales, computer sales, wine sales...just to name things that friends do for a living. It's a skill I'm learning, like so many others these days, because it's just too important not to.

Now THAT'S Training

If I can stay awake until 9:30 tonight I'll consider it a minor miracle. Not much to say except to document some tough tough work today.

We made it to spin class at 7:30 this morning just in time. Bikes were going fast, and a guy who showed up at 7:31 actually got turned away because the class was full. The instructor was awesome -- a triathlete herself, and the class was clearly full of cyclists and triathletes so the entire workout was a solid imitation of a real outdoor ride. During the break between the two classes, we actually contemplated bailing early, but after popping a few Clif Shot Bloks I'm so glad we didn't. First, I got in almost the equivalent of 45miles of riding, which I really needed. Second, I'd have had to live with the fact that I cut out early. Tired and sweaty, we headed home for a hot bath and a nap after a 2:32 ride.

My plan had been to hit the pool this afternoon, something I haven't done in almost two weeks. But Emily called and asked if I'd consider a 6.5mile run with her -- she had one on her schedule but was in need of motivation. Again, I considered saying no. But, I haven't done anything resembling a brick or bike-run day in months, and I knew that I could too easily blow off the swim. Having to meet someone in 45minutes meant no fooling around I was getting another workout in. And, she's just cool, so it would be fun to run with her. I had originally been planning to run with Heather on Sunday, but with Billy coming out from the Academy to spend the day, I knew that wasn't going to happen so this was perfect.

Man, can that woman run!!! They live in super hilly North Arlington, so we ran all over hell and back. Emily chatting the whole time, me gasping for air as I struggled to keep pace and not die as we climbed Military Road. I survived though... 6.5miles in 1:07. Acceptable, but a good kick in the pants. Ten weeks from today until the Kinetic Half. I need to do a LOT of work between now and then. Now if only it weren't supposed to SNOW tomorrow. Seriously, I need to move south.

First though, I need a huge bowl of homemade soup and some quality time with my pillow tonight!

Topsy Turvy Day

Thank goodness for friends, acquaintances and good old-fashioned sweat. After Daniel's supposed last night here, during which he cooked an amazing meal for us, Julie, and Bill, and then at midnight per his request I gave him a haircut with the dog clippers(!), I knew the morning would dawn early. As I walked into work, grabbing a big cup of coffee, it finally hit me that my Granni was gone. That now I didn't have any grandmothers. I suddenly felt very lost and sitting at my desk found myself in tears.

My sister-in-law Connie had emailed me last week that she knew sometimes it takes a while before the reality of death sets in. And I think that because we came back from her funeral and immediately had to get ready for Dan's arrival, I sort of filed it away. Sad, but coping. So this morning, having said goodbye to Daniel and therefore realizing we were moving back into normal day-to-day life, that grief kind of hit. Not just missing my Granni, but also missing my Grandma (who died in 2004) all over again. Two amazing women who played such central roles in my life. My heart aches that I'll never hear their voices call me by their pet names for me. Never feel either of them hug me. Never hear Granni say "I'm nuts about you" or Grandma say "be not afraid" - my little catch phrase with each of them. And I'm sad.

It's something I suppose is to be expected, but not great timing as I was prepping for a big meeting with my client and the characters over at the Pentagon. An email to my uncle, a call to one of my best friends, and a hug from another friend who happened to stick her head in my cube (thanks, KZ!), and I managed to pull myself together without any of the client staff realizing that moments earlier I had mascara leaking down my face. Luckily, the meeting was actually energizing. I enjoy negotiations and it got me in a more positive mood. On the way home, I also talked to Erin and we're both so ready to kick off the new Girls on the Run season next week. I know I was in need of reasons to smile, to shore up the hole in my heart.

Get home, putzing around, and Stuart's phone rings. It's Dan, still at BWI and his flight was cancelled due to weather in Minneapolis (his layover). So, he's headed back to Arlington for one more night with us. Great, no problem. I cry a little bit more to Stuart but then get ready for the =PR= run.

What a surprise -- Amy actually shows up tonight!! (just teasing, since I know she reads this). It was a tough route, but one I'd recommended a month or so ago since it's partially through this really pretty neighborhood that I love. Lots of steady uphills, so no rest for the weary. Amy, Shannon and I ran together, and they wouldn't let me slack. I felt sluggish, and was breathing very hard the whole way -- definitely a tough tempo run. Usually I can always manage to at least come up with a burst of speed for the last block or two sprint back to the store. Not tonight, I just didn't have that extra gear. I hung in there, but it wasn't too pretty! 4.5miles in less than 45min including stops at multiple stoplights, so that's not too shabby I suppose. And, it did help a little bit that it was in the high 50s. So nice to wear capris and just one long-sleeve shirt. 23 days until spring!!!! We're all so psyched that we only have one more run in the darkness before Daylight Savings Time. Yay!!

Home to Stuart, Dan and the dogs, Thai food and the very disturbing "Batman: The Dark Knight" on DVD. They're still watching it as I write this, but I'm already anticipating nightmares from the thriller elements of the first half of the movie, so I walked out midway to write this entry instead.

Emotionally, I think I'm spent today. I have to work tomorrow, but am ready for another weekend. At the same time, I'm filled with gratitude to be surrounded by friends, family and acquaintances who, knowingly or not, are able to buoy me and give me strength when I'm faltering. I know I'll be okay. Today was a reminder that there is a process I need to go through and no matter how hard I try, I can't just put it aside. But, I have faith ("be not afraid"). I have the love of those around me ("I'm nuts about you"). And I have two grandmothers in Heaven right now who helped make me strong, and they wouldn't have it any other way.

Running the Sahara

My friend Andrea, whom I was lucky enough to meet through Trifuel, has been a role model since meeting her a year and a half ago. Not only is she chasing her third Ironman, but she's taken up ultra-running and makes it seem so alluring. She also is constantly taunting/daring/ encouraging me to try one with her some day, but so far I've demurred. But, I've constantly been leery, boy is that a LOT of running, and especially with the tendonitis I've been battling since 2007, even a once-simple marathon seems out of my reach.

Tonight was my standard Thursday night women's run with Potomac River Running, and for the first time in a while I was the slowest one there. Granted, I've missed the last two weeks between Granni's funeral and just emotional/physical exhaustion. So maybe I haven't put in a really hard run since January. But also just that the women there tonite were good, including the newcomer who explained that her slow pace was a 9:30 mile. Amy (the store caboose) stood me up, so I was in for some work to make sure that I wasn't the one who got dropped. Long story short -- thank God for a few traffic lights and the headwinds which had us change our route, I managed to hang on. Accounting for stops at lights, I ended up averaging about a 9:13 pace for the 4.5miles. Dang fast for me!!! I came home frozen, and spent a good twenty minutes in a hot shower trying to thaw out.

Surfing channels with Dan (that's him in the middle between my two nephews in a photo from his visit last May) I saw that Showtime was showing "Running the Sahara", which I'd heard about but never seen. I didn't think we got that channel,but Daniel clicked it just to check, and sure enough, we came in about halfway through the movie. I was instantly entranced. Obviously we missed the beginning where they likely described their motivations and purpose, but instead were thrust right into the middle of the expedition. Watching the emotional peaks and valleys, trying to understand even a fraction of what their minds and bodies were experiencing, the aches from my run just an hour earlier suddenly seemed less acute.

I finished watching with tears rolling down my cheeks, moved by the same emotions I feel watching anything from the Tour de France, to Ironman races, to any demonstration of man pushing the limits of his abilities. A thread on Trifuel the last day or two is questioning triathlon as art. While I don't think of my own training as art (more like plodding along!), I do find beauty in images (whether still or live) of athletes in motion. Is beauty art? If so, the power I find in these images is, to me, art as powerful as the most beautiful scenes in the museums and cathedrals of Europe.

And suddenly, motivation I'd been seeking has presented itself. The power of the spirit to reach beyond the possible. Suddenly, a simple little 60min workout seems like nothing. As I continue to put out there my desire to push my own limits - an Ironman, maybe an ultra run - draw strength from the achievements of others. Why am I seeking these metaphorical mountain tops? What draws me?

Maybe it's the idea that I will someday see my own journey as art. That, in the words of Christina Aguilera, "I am beautiful in every single way". For now, watching others and gaining faith in my own possibilities is enough. And Andrea, don't think that part of that dream doesn't involve joining you at a starting line somewhere and someday!

Sharing a hobby

My stepson Daniel arrived Tuesday evening for a ten day visit from California. Unless you and your folks are best friends, I've found that one of the challenges of adult children visiting their parents is how to spend that "quality time". I know it's something I sort of dread when visiting my own parents -- these are the people that raised you, but you have different lives and different interests. How do you find ways to enjoy time together without always carrying the baggage of childhood with you.

We love Daniel very much and hate that for now he has chosen to establish his life so far away. But, in terms of how we spend our free time, his choices and our's tend to be radically different. And especially with Stuart's shoulder not working right now, things like golf (which was a hobby they used to share together when Dan was younger) aren't an option. So yesterday we proposed that he come to spin class with us. Surprisingly he was game.

We arrived super early to get good bikes (turns out they've redone the cycle room and they're all good now), get Daniel set up, and just get an extra 30min of riding done. It took him about 20 min to get dialed in and comfortable, but he was pretty open minded about it. This wasn't our favorite instructor, but it was kind of fun to watch Stuart and Dan working and sweating side by side. He hung with it through the entire workout, which was impressive for a first-timer.

Afterwards, he kept a positive attitude, but wouldn't commit to doing it once more with us next week before he leaves. Whether he does or doesn't, I know it meant a lot to Stuart (and to me) that he was willing to engage in something important to us. And maybe we gave him a peek into the benefits, fun and endorphins that are involved in healthy lifestyle choices. The real challenge as parents is how to find those of his pasttimes and pursuits that we aren't in conflict about, and engage him. Let him broaden our view into his world.

Is it February...or is it April???

Back and forth to Ohio this week for my Granni's funeral, I was consoling myself that "it's only February". And that while I should be ramping up training soon, it's still that winter base phase, so another few days of poor or missed workouts wasn't a nightmare.

Yesterday though, I made a realization. Since I decided to sign up for an early season half ironman, February is no longer February. Instead, it's more like April or May in that I have a major race only 2-1/2months from now. yikes! With that in mind, I got in a couple of solid training sessions this weekend.

Friday afternoon I snuck over to the pool once we got back from Ohio. Then yesterday, Nick and I got in another awesome 8mile run before a romantic Valentines Day dinner with Stuart. He was just so happy the whole time, a nice steady pace...nothing worth writing home about, but a good distance type of run.

Then today I met up with Emily for a solid bike ride. Dang is it hilly between her house and mine!!! My legs were already hurting from yesterday's run, and as we headed down Sycamore towards the W&OD we both hit these nasty potholes under the overpass. It wasn't until a mile down the road that I realized my water bottle had been ejected. ugh. Luckily we were taking it easy. It was sunny but still cold, and my already raw throat had me gasping for air quite a bit. Despite all that, we put in a respectable 33miles today.

Now at home watching the Tour of California and preparing for another USA Triathlon coaching webinar. I still feel as if there's so much to learn before advertising for clients, but I'm doing everything I can to grab that knowledge with both hands.

Weekend Fun

After last week's busy and tense weekend, this one was awesome. First, Billy's last home swim meet, so my aunt, uncle and youngest cousin Katie came up from NC for the weekend. He did awesome, as usual. He's such an incredible swimmer, and we're going to miss him once he heads to Pensacola this fall for flight school.

In the meantime, much fun seeing Katie, too.

On top of the family fun, it was WARM outside. As in 60+ degrees warm. Saturday before heading to Billy's meet, Nick and I snuck out for another 4-ish mile run. It's about that time of year that I should start wearing my heart rate monitor again, but I've definitley gotten used to running without it.

This afternoon, after they all left, it was time to pull out the road bike. Stuart rode this morning with our neighbor Eric so I was on my own. Shorts, short-sleeved DC Tri jersey and arm warmers. Beautiful weather, and as I'm coasting down our street towards the trail I'm all smiley and cheery. And then I turned west -- to be met head-on by a strong wind. Luckily, it wasn't a cold wind, but it was powerful. And without Stuart to block it for me, I averaged around 13mph for the first hour of my ride. This was supposed to be a longer, aerobic ride and so I chose not to fight the wind, although I am a bit embarassed for my tri club teammates that I was out there toddling along in club gear. I made up for it once I turned around,though. Gotta love a tail wind!

By late in the week it will be back down in the 40s, but this was a great respite from winter. Only about 40 days until spring and only about 90 days until my first half ironman of the season. yikes!

Getting Back in the Groove

After a great start to 2009, January ended with a whimper. Girls on the Run of NoVA is going through some staff and Board transitions, which is always both a scary and exciting time for any organization. As of the 8hr(!) Board meeting this past Saturday, I'm now the Board President. That culminated a week in which I put in probably about 25hrs of GOTR-related time on top of my normal job.

Throw in a quick trip home to see my very ill Granni, and other than Thursday's =PR= run, my body was almost forgetting how to sweat. Yes, I've kept up with the 50 Days of Core, which ends on February 13th, but most of the last week was about remembering to throw down a quick 25 half-asleep crunches before climbing into bed.

After spending yesterday in the cardiac ICU, my alarm went off this morning at 3:45 so that I could catch my 6am flight back to DC. Stuart picked me up at the airport, and fortified by a pre-flight mocha and post-flight vanilla latte, I managed to survive the workday. Getting home I was SO tempted to bag a workout and take a nap. But, my first tri of the season is only three months away. Waiting until April to be serious won't cut it. What do I want to accomplish this year? Am I happy being average? Maybe even if I bust my tail I'll still be middle of the pack, but have I really truly given my all in the past four seasons of triathlon? Then the question is, what am I waiting for? I need to stop dreaming and, like Nike says, Just Do It. The last week or two of GOTR shows that I have the available time, and the self discipline....if it's important enough to me. So, is it? That needs to be the million dollar question as I start to think about 6am workouts. Soon enough the light will come and rides to work will be possible. In fact, I think we're there....I just again need to get in the habit. Winter's not over, but my time for excuses really is.

So buoyed by the near 50 degree weather, I threw on a long sleeve t-shirt and some capris, and Nick and I did an easy 3miles as the sun set. We then tacked on an extra mile walking the neighborhood with a very happy Joe and Ally. Nothing long, or even too terribly taxing, but an acceptable slide back into a routine for now.

25 Things About Me (I know, I'm lame)

Always swore I'd never do this...but since I've added playing on Facebook as one of my hobbies, and 2 people "tagged" me today, I decided what the heck. I needed to do something entertaining and mindless to decompress for a few minutes today. And since I wrote them once, I figured I'd share them here, too.

So, things about me...
1. I got glasses in kindergarten...they were bifocals.

2. I skipped the first grade (not an easy social experience for a nerdy kid wearing bifocals!).

3. Together with my brother, we are godparents to our youngest cousin, Katie. She's awesome.

4. One of my great loves is coaching Girls on the Run.

5. I'm also a USA Triathlon certified triathlon coach.

6. I love to cook, but am a terrible baker.

7. Although I did make and present dessert once to the President's National Security Advisor.

8. I was the intramural racquetball champion at my university two years in a row.

9. My first car was my grandfather's 1976 sky blue Chevy Caprice convertible. I loved it!

10. I'm left-handed, but use a computer mouse, scissors and corkscrew right-handed.

11. Although I've intensively studied Russian, German and to a lesser extent Italian, I'm not currently proficient in any of them.

12. I still have a bottle of wine from a tasting in an underground winery in Moldova.

13. My road bike and triathlon bike both have names.

14. I have a not-so-secret crush on pro triathlete Craig Alexander.

15. But I still love my husband more than I ever thought it possible to love someone. (he's very understanding of #14)

16. I think my springer spaniel Ally might be my psychic twin.

17. I developed a seizure disorder when I was 26.

18. When I had my last seizure five years ago, I was driving and totaled my car.

19. I've developed a love of gardening, and we had our first organic vegetable garden last summer.

20. Other than me, no one knows whether I voted for McCain or Obama.

21. The two major personal goals I have right now are to complete an Ironman and find a way to live abroad for some period of time.

22. When we first met, my husband thought I was married to my brother.

23. I shattered my own tooth playing tennis by hitting myself in the face with my racquet.

24. I also broke my finger playing field hockey, and have matching gear scars on both my legs from falling over on my bikes.

25. I owned a hot pink bowling ball as a kid, and it now serves as a white-trash garden ornament in my vegetable garden.

Spin Class Redux

Now that I've showered, eaten (awesome omelets a la Stuart) and had a nap, I'm ready to think rationally about today's workout.

The planned workout today was a 3hr bike ride, which I knew wasn't going to happen either outside or on the trainer. Best we could hope for was to drag ourselves out of bed and do the 8:30 and 10am spin classes back to back, shooting for at least 2 and 1/2hrs. We succeeded in obeying the alarm clock, and were on the spin bikes and pedaling away by 8:20. Good start! First hour was pretty good - a motivating instructor, someone who acknowledged that she was a cyclist and therefore did cycling-like workouts. I held back a bit, knowing I had a much longer workout scheduled than the instructor did, and redlining it for the first hour would make the next 90min sheer hell. Holding back didn't mean soft-pedaling, though...my quads were burning by 9:30.

First class over, all but one other girl cleared out. Stuart and I took quick turns refilling our water bottles and popped a couple of shot bloks with a nice Zone 2 effort.

Second instructor arrives, this class is much more full than the previous one. She asks if anyone minds if we use an 80s mix. I'm a little skeptical, but what the heck. First song comes on and it's "Kyrie Eleison", which I happen to love and is on my iPod. So, I'm smiling. The hour goes really quickly - she actually chose a great selection of music, but I'm less than thrilled with her. To me, when the instructor says "On a scale of 1-10, with 10 as the toughest, spin at a 5." Ok, I'm there. "Now, crank it to an 8 and speed up! Now to a 10. And then harder still!". Um, wasn't 8 supposed to be really damn hard, and 10 has me about to die and fall off my bike? Then how come you are still spinning at 90rpm and you want me to go even harder than 10 which is supposed to be the hardest amount of resistance I can still pedal against? We decided on the way home that instructor girl wasn't very good at faking working hard, or at understanding what a RPE scale is about.

In any event, we survived the second hour. Didn't get the full 3hrs, but I did the equivalent of 40-something miles of biking. And boy are we feeling it! This is the longest nonstop ride I've done since October. A good kick in the pants that I have a half ironman in less than 4 months.

What a Week

Somehow, 168hrs have gone by since I last wrote here. I say somehow because life feels like it's at breakneck pace right now - if I had the time to write, there's lots to say. Lots of stuff at work, which is good. I mean, if you have to be there for 40-ish hours per week of your life, it might as well be productive time, right? I've had my share of jobs/projects where, due to my efficiency or just the project itself, I spent way too much time twiddling thumbs, dreaming of how I'd be spending that time if I weren't stuck at a desk for an arbitrary amount of time.

On top of that, the days are ticking until I officially assume my role as president of the Board. It's mean interviews, meetings, strategic planning, and EMAILS beyond all comprehension. Seriously, like 50 a day. In addition as an example, I had a meeting Friday after work, one yesterday afternoon, one today, and a conference call tomorrow night. Luckily, as I get to know individual Board members bit by bit, overall it seems like a good group of smart, passionate people to be working with. I don't expect this tempo to last, but while it does it's definitely going to challenge my multi-tasking and self discipline skills!

Surprisingly, I've actually managed to fit most (not all) of my scheduled workouts in. Enough that I feel like I haven't totally slacked. 2 swims, 2 bikes (including a 2-1/2hr spin session this morning), 2 runs, 2 strength sessions and 7 days of core. That's right, happily I'm still on track for the 50 Days of Core challenge. When the abs reach the breaking point, I'll dial it back to a simple 25 or 50 reps for a day or two...basically enough to keep the streak but still have a recovery day. I'm not sure I'm seeing a change, but I can definitely feel things happening under all that "adipose tissue". And, maybe it's just a placebo effect, but my swimming seems to be improving, too. My stroke count is dropping and I at least feel faster when I'm in the pool.

All is good. Few complaints. But apologies to readers for an even less introspective set of posts than prior....time for deep thinking is probably one of the victims of my current schedule.

Stay warm....eight weeks until the official start of spring!!

A Surprising Run and a Surprise

Saturday afternoon I waited until the temperature had reached the warmest part of the day -- warm being relative since it was only 21 degrees. Nonetheless, I wanted to get a run in, so I put on fifteen layers of clothes and headed out the door. It was too cold for Nick, so just me and my iPod. I told Stuart that my goal was somewhere between 5 and 8miles, but that I expected it to be very slow and much of it would likely be walking.

Living right off the trails, I can head in virtually any direction and get a decent workout in. My plan initially had been to do the 5-mile "Columbia Pike" out and back, and then if I felt like it head in the other direction for the 3-mile "Van Buren" out and back. As I headed towards Columbia Pike, I suddenly got nervous that I was biting off more than I could chew, and took the detour for the 5K "Bluemont Trail" out and back, figuring that I could do 6miles if I also went to Van Buren. But when I returned and could have turned right towards the shorter run, I realized I was feeling good, so headed left to continue the 5-mile route.

Slow and steady I jogged along, and after completing that 5-mile loop (now 7 thanks to the Bluemont addition), and decided to start towards Van Buren and see what happened. But after a few minutes, I realized the sun was setting, and that while I could have done a 10-mile run, 8 was probably sufficient and so turned towards home.

EIGHT MILES!!! And it felt great! I haven't run that far since the half marathon with Erin last October. Not quite as far as the time that coach called for, but still the longest run I've had in ages. I'm paying for it now, though. Once I thawed out and came down from the runner's high, I realized last night how sore I was from that jump in mileage. Not sure how today's bike session will go as a result, but I'm feeling good.

Before that though, I need to pull my yummy pumpkin muffins out of the oven and prepare for a Board committee meeting. The other surprise is that, as of yesterday morning, I am the new president of the Board of Directors of Girls on the Run of Northern Virginia. I'm excited and honored to have the role, but also a bit overwhelmed as this is a critical crossroads in the organization's growth. And a 10am on a Sunday meeting is a pretty good indicator of that.

Coldest Night in Ten Years

That's what I heard on the radio tonight on my way home from the pool. It's already only 10 degrees, and should be potentially close to zero by the time the sun rises tomorrow morning. This is ridiculous. I mean, Virginia fought as part of the South in the Civil War. South means warm, right? So why the heck is it 10 degrees here!?!?!?

Despite the Minnesotan cold, the =PR= run last night rocked. Amy (the official caboose) couldn't make it, so I unofficially took on the role and ran with Christie, who only started running this past August. We ran through the neighborhoods of Maywood and Cherrydale, so it was fun to see all the architecture and keep ourselves distracted from the wicked Arlington hills. And tonight I almost bailed, but managed to drag myself to the Wakefield pool for a 60min swim session. Yorktown was closed due to a high school swim meet, so I drove down to South Arlington and hopped in. 100WU, 10x50 kick, 4x300 easy, CD. It actually felt pretty good, and it was fun to watch the Wakefield swim team practicing. The down side is that even though I brought a change of clothes, the one block walk to my car was horrible. The tip of one of my fingers burned for over an hour -- seriously, I think it was a mild case of frostbite!

I'm working from home Monday and Tuesday, so my plan is to spread the workload over the next four days. Which also means I should have the time to log in a pretty goodly number of hours of workouts. Stay tuned on that one.

"What It Takes"

If you do triathlons, you've probably already heard of or seen or own this movie. What It Takes came out a few years ago, and is a documentary following the 2005 season of four pro triathletes. Stuart and I own both the movie and the spinner edition, and pull them out during winter as entertainment and motivation while stuck on the trainer.

Today was actually not bad out - high 30s and partly sunny. I could have ridden outside, but just wasn't feeling the cold weather. Yesterday's run with Nick was sufficient outdoor time for one weekend. Plus, for some reason I woke up thinking about that movie (probably because I had a very weird triathlon dream). Anyway, after watching the last part of some cheesy Jean-Claude Van Damme movie, I popped it in to make my Zone 2 aerobic trainer ride less boring. I got about half way through before cutting the ride a bit short (sorry, coach!) but am now eagerly looking forward to Tuesday's interval session to get through the second half.

Estimated 21miles on the bike trainer (based on time and effort), plus another 275reps of core work made for a decent Sunday.

And 2009 is underway...

That's right. No more of this "oh, I'm in the off season." "Nah, I'll leave that heart rate monitor at home and just meander." "Not so much feeling like a workout today. And that's okay because I'm in the off season."

Nope. Nada. Over with. Last night I plunked down almost $140, and another $140 for Stuart on our first half ironman of the year. That's right -- our first. As in, rather than going for a full IM this year all at once, I decided to break it into two. 2007 was HIM #1 down at Ironman 70.3 Cancun. 2008 was all about Rhode Island 70.3. This year, if all goes according to plan, I'll be crossing the finish line of TWO half ironman races -- the Kinetic Half here in Virginia in May, and then the Ironman Augusta 70.3 in September down in Georgia. With a few other races and fun stuff thrown in the mix. We originally had planned on the White Lake Half in NC instead of Kinetic, but time and money seemed to make the local race make more sense. A few DC Tri clubmates have also promised that they're signing up, so it'll be a fun day albeit a bit more hilly than the flatlands of rural NC.

And if all of that goes well....well, on August 31st I'll be online with my credit card in hand for the big one. Stay tuned to that sidebar listing my 2009 races. Right now it says Tentative, but there are definitely changes afoot.

So, a few more weeks to go in the off-season training plan, and then it's time to really buckle down under the direction of a new coach. One way or another, 2009 is gonna be a BIG year.

Post-Christmas Blues

Cadets at West Point call it "Gloom Period". Mids at the Naval Academy call it the "Dark Ages". I just say it sucks. To me, it's that timeframe between taking down the Christmas tree and seeing the first signs of daffodils and azaleas blooming. And yesterday we took down the tree. Somehow I always seem to trick myself into thinking that it means winter is almost over. Wrong. The holidays are over. Winter...gray, gloomy, windy, cold winter has another 2-1/2 months to go. Every year I begin to daydream about changing careers just to get myself closer to the equator. What would it take to relocate south -- even a little bit to someplace like Norfolk/Va Beach, or even further south to the Carolinas or Tampa. Most of the time, I know it's just a day dream, but every now and then I page through the real estate pages or peruse my company's job openings to see what options *might* be lurking. It's like playing the lottery, you can't win if you don't play.

Anyway, it took every ounce of motivation to suit up and head out the door with Nick for a 5-mile run, and by the end I was glad I did. Poor Nick has been neglected as a running buddy lately. Between the various races, travel for Christmas, and the Thursday =PRR= runs, I haven't put much time in with him, and I know he's been sad about it. He was so joyous yesterday. We didn't move fast, I even stopped and walked just to look around for a bit, and he was pulling as if to say "C'mon, Mom. I don't get this much anymore. I want to enjoy it!". I'm starting to see a few more white hairs on his muzzle, and I know that our days of running together are probably numbered. Ally hasn't run with me in over two years and I still really miss her when I have to leave her behind. The day when I have to leave all three dogs at home because they are too old and infirm to run will really make me sad. In the meantime, I need to remember to look for these opportunities to give him that joy. I may tri for joy, but Nick runs for joy.

As for me, race registrations are starting to open, which means my 2009 season is coming together. I'm throwing in a few dates to volunteer, or go cheer for friends as well. And, my catalogues from Cook's Garden and Burpee Seedee are starting to arrive, so I can begin to plot out my even bigger and better garden for this year. It may be winter, but I need to remind myself that the sun still shines and the work I do now is laying the groundwork for a stronger, healthier and happier 2009.

2009 Off to a Good Start

My coldest ride ever -- we met up with Bill and Julie when the thermometer was still reading only 28 degrees. yikes! Luckily the sun was shining, and trying to hang on to the wheels of three speedsters got me warmed up pretty quickly. We'd agreed on a 30mile laid-back ride, and when we got to the Reston turn-around, it seemed appropriate to stop off at Starbucks. I got Stuart and Julie to pose for a pic while Bill was taking care of business on the side of the trail! ;-)


I've never been a big coffee drinker, but have somehow acquired the habit in a minimal way this year. Last winter, Annie who is a super awesome Girl on the Run, gave me a Starbucks giftcard as a thank you at season's end but I never used it. This fall, though, I pulled it out and started getting into those tall-skim-no-whip-gingersnap-lattes and other holiday tasting treats. And Stuart and I have made it a habit to grab Starbucks on our way to the farmer's market every Saturday. But between the cold and the need for caffeine to give me some extra "juice" for the ride home, I gulped down TWO coffees during that 30min break.

Needless to say, when we headed back to the trail, we were all shivering. Our sweat had dried so we were cold, our fingers and toes were burning. Time to really up the pace. Although the three of them did eventually temporarily drop me, we were rocking at 22-23mph there for awhile.

It took a while to thaw it, and still get in a few reps for my 50 Days of Core -- I haven't missed a day yet, but no sign of that six-pack abs. :-) We finished the day with Julie's awesome chili and some wine while watching Penn State lose the Rose Bowl. Too bad for the Nittany Lions, but a good way to start the new year for the rest of us!

Fairfax "Sorta" Four Miler

"So Tamara, what are you guys doing New Year's Eve? There's this new race out in Fairfax at 7pm that night, wanna join us?" Sure, why not. We've had athletically-inclinded New Year's before. On December 31st 2002, we played tennis that afternoon before heading out to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants where Stuart made a magical resolution to love me forever. We didn't have any other plans, so we signed up for the Fairfax Four.

Needless to say, we ended up running an altered course in brutal conditions. High winds, with gusts up to 50mph had downed power lines along the original route, and the winds were continuing as we arrived at the running store to pick up our packets. I've never dressed so heavily for a race (or even a regular run) in my life. Running tights and running pants. Fleece lined long-sleeve running shirt. Heavy fleece Nike running jacket. Fleece and wind-resistant Lands End vest (hadn't planned on wearing this in the race, but am glad I did). Ear warmers and gloves completed the oh-so-attractive ensemble. Kayla got a shot of the now familiar running crew huddled inside before the race.
What the race director neglected to mention, or maybe he did but I didn't hear, was that the revised race course was 4 1-mile loops. 4 HILLY 1-mile loops.

I started with Nikki and Michelle hoping to pace myself to a slowly building run, but instead went out way too hard for not knowing the course length or composition. But ego wouldn't let me stop. I'd forgotten to start my watch, so had no idea how fast I was running, but my HRM would later tell the story.

At about the halfway point of the third lap, the tendonitis started to flair up so I slowed a touch and hobbled, willing it to hold together for that last lap or so. And somehow it did. The last mile I just kept saying to myself "you're just running around the block. Run faster. It's just a jog around the block." As I stumbled across the finish line, I heard Stuart, Kayla and Erin calling my name. They surrounded me with congratulations, but I was too busy trying not to hurl to really enjoy the knowledge that I'd run about a :38min race. Totally awesome!

Erin and I got in line to turn in our timing chips and get our finishers sweatshirts, Kayla went back to the finish line to wait for Nikki and Michelle, and Stuart headed off to find hot chocolate for all of us. I glanced down at the heart rate stats on my watch, and learned that my average heart rate was 171bpm. Unreal. No wonder I was hurting.

But, what a great way to end the year and ring in a new one. Doing something healthy and sweaty together with friends. If you look in my drawers and my closet, I own more Coolmax than silk, more spandex than lace. Bodyglide and Heart rate monitor gunk share space on my sink with my makeup bag. But that's who I am. I might not be fast. I still lack in self-discipline. I still wonder if I have reached the limits of my potential, but I don't think so. I am an athlete. Most of the people I spend my time with are athletes. They are men and women I admire and respect. People I try to emulate. People I occasionally hope that I can inspire or encourage as well. And so to end 2008 running with my husband and a great group of women, and know that I'm starting 2009 with a bike ride with Stuart and some dear friends, I know it's indicative of my values and priorities. May all have a blessed and happy 2009 filled with those things and people that matter the most to you.

6yrs ago tonight, he promised to make me

the happiest woman in the world if I would

marry him. So far, he's succeeded.

50 Days of Core

Another nutty sadist at Trifuel has put forth a new challenge. 50 days of core extending from December 26th through February 13th. The rules look like this:

Rules:
1. 100 reps = 1 point.
2. 1 minute of timed exercises (planks etc.) = 25 reps.
3. Core specific exercises only. Abs, obliques, lower back.
4. Begin Dec. 26 and end Feb. 13.
5. You are NOT out if you miss a day, but the goal is to work the core for 50 straight days.

I ended up not doing the 30/30 December challenge, but I'm all over this. I noticed a real difference in my cycling and swimming last season after upping my core work early in the spring, but then let it tail off a bit in the thick of summer. So this is a great way to get back into the habit. Presuming I don't make myself sick from the pain!! Some of these guys are putting up 600reps a day. I just returned from the gym where I painstakingly hit 200 for the first time. The last few days it's been about 100 or so reps. Again, not a bad starting place.

Obviously, with my self image issues I'm not posting a "before" pic, but I am going to take one, and look at it often as a reminder to myself. If I can see a significant difference between now and February, maybe I'll share both of them here.

In the meantime, as a way to suck up even more of the time I should be using for training, last night I got suckered into getting a Facebook account. Why is this necessary? Don't I already know all of these people, and those I want to know or be friends with currently already have my contact information? Is there a reason that I want that mean cliquey girl from fourth grade to track me down and "Friend" me twenty five years later? Seriously, I'm not sure what made me break down and do this, and yet I spent all day at work wondering if any of my "friend requests" had been accepted and knowing I had to wait to get home to my own computer to check. I might need to ration my time. If you find me online there, write on my wall and remind me I'm supposed to be training!

Muddy Buddy

Yes, there is a race series of this name, but it's just as real when you're riding behind your husband on a muddy, wet trail. We decided to take advantage of the 65 degree weather and get out on our bikes early this morning. I sported my cute new Terry hot pink mandarin jersey and a pair of shorts. We weren't the only ones taking advantage of the mild winter weather, and the trail was occupied but not crowded with runners and bikers. Unlike years past, where I felt the need to hammer the whole way, from the get-go I told Stuart to surge ahead while I meandered and enjoyed low HR base work. But for a long stretch, he stuck with me and did the pulling, resulting in more than a bit of roadspray headed my direction. Although the weather was warm, we were dealing with wind gusts upwards of twenty miles per hour, so rather than fight them, I embraced the slow pace and contemplated the year I've had and the year I want in 2009.

Surprisingly, although I feel as though I worked harder, I actually put in fewer hours than in 2007. That doesn't make me happy, even though the race results were better. So, that's feeding in to my thought process and goal setting this week. Frankly, work will likely be a bit on the slow side the next few days, so that should lend itself to some soul searching and serious goal setting.

In any event, we had a great ride. Stuart found a "long cut" off the trail to take us on city streets rather than dealing with the stop and go of the last few miles of the trail. From there, we took a detour through the streets of North Arlington, to show him a neighborhood I found, in the event we ever decided to move that I'd be interested in watching. Our plan had been to stop at Starbucks for a few peppermint mocha lattes, but I was sweating bullets, and it seemed not quite as compelling. Maybe next weekend. There were more than a few hills tossed into the last 6 or 7 miles of our ride, so a cold glass of water was a bit more compelling at that point.

Overall, about 26miles. Slow pace, but for late-December, an acceptable workout. Got home to find my bike and my face spattered in mud, the price I pay for drafting off Stuart in the strong headwinds. Twelve hours later, my quads are burning and I'm ready for bed, but pleased to know that the true off season is over and the groundwork is being laid for a strong and successful 2009.

Christmas in Ohio

After days and days of cold and rain, we just spent a beautiful 60-degree day in the car driving 400miles from my parents' house in Ohio back home to DC. But, I suppose it's better than having to drive through that cold and snow and ice.

Anyway, I hope Christmas and the Santas in your life were good to you. We had a fun visit with my parents, brother and both of my grandparents, as well as a few hours with my aunt and uncle who drove up from Cincinnati. Lots of photos by the Christmas tree, good wine and way too much rich food courtesy of my dad's great cooking. He's an amazing cook, but doesn't believe in finding healthy alternatives for recipes that call for lots of butter or cream. So we'll be working off those calories for a while!!

Luckily, between my parents, my granni and my wonderful husband, I have no excuse not to be running and biking in warm weather AND cold. I'm awash in cold weather biking tights, jerseys, and a very pretty little balaclava number for those really cold days (not to mention some adorable warm weather things that now have me so ready for sunshine and tri season)!

Twice we bundled up and headed out for a cold winter run while we were there. Both times, back home before anyone else was even up. We passed horses, deer, and even a sign at a drivethru carry-out proclaiming "Cigs buy 1 get 1, and Huntin Licenses here". Ah, rural life! I've been fighting a cold all week, so the cold Ohio air was also a great way to hack up a lung and clear out my sinuses. According to the New York Times, that's the right tack to take, as opposed to staying at home and relying solely on chamomile tea and honey to make you feel better.

My family tends to go a little overboard at Christmas, so presents are a-plenty, and since my brother tends to sleep until noon, we don't even start unwrapping until nearly 1pm. As a result, gift giving and receiving is a day-long affair. Stuart claims this photo taken during present time is the best picture ever taken of me. It's not too late for Santa to take back his presents and put coal in his stocking! And considering his big gift was the finisher's jacket from IM Florida, I think he'll be reconsidering his commentary from now on. :-)

The boy dogs behaved well at the kennel, actually better than Ally did at my parents this year. She looked beautiful, but was way too neurotic. Now that she's starting to lose her sight and hearing and sense of smell, it's way too easy to lose track of me in my parents' house. So a few scratch marks and accidents later, she too survived the trip.

It was fun, but it's always good to be back in your own home. Time to unpack, get a quick workout in and settle in to a college bowl game tonite. Tomorrow's supposed to be 60 degrees again before the rain hits, so I see a bike ride in my new threads on tomorrow's agenda!!

A new PR!!!

Today was the Celtic Solstice 5 Miler in Baltimore. We've had friends do it in the past, but it's always conflicted with Cookie Day or other activities. This year though, we both signed up. Unfortunately, Stuart's foot was aching so it was just me and Erin making the drive up to Druid Hill Park at 6:30 this morning with Starbucks in hand, where we met up with the rest of her running crew. The race is in a gorgeous park in the middle of Baltimore -- we'll definitely make a day of it some time this spring to drive up just for a workout and lunch at the Inner Harbor.

But, gorgeous does not mean flat! I knew it was hilly going in, but still decided I wanted to definitely break 50min with a super ambitious goal of 45min. Erin, Kayla and Kim were shooting for a sub-40, while Nikki agreed to hang on to me as long as she could. By the time the first mile was over I knew I wasn't going to hit 45. Between the long long long hill and the starting line crowds, my first mile was a 10:40. Good for me, but not what I'd been aiming for. From there though, I just kept getting faster. Focusing on my breathing, my HR and the clock, I didn't even bother to count the number of people I passed. Definitely more than passed me, that's for sure!

The last mile was basically flat with a straight downhill final quarter mile to the finish. That mile alone was sub-9!! If only I could have done that for the first four miles! Official results are in and I posted a 47:34, which is a 9:31min/mile. A PR at the 5mile distance by over two minutes. Wahoo! I was a little sad at the finish line at first that I hadn't hit 45, but then realized this was the toughest 5-mile course I'd run and yet still the fastest time in the last five years. So, after re-thinking, I'm stoked.

Erin and I were talking in the car on the way home in between multiple stops in the ghetto to get gas and go to the bathroom. Somehow we've both come to love these noncompetitive group runs with other women -- whether it's with friends or my =PRR= group, and the results of those efforts are starting to reveal themselves on the race clock. Running with faster people does make you faster, especially if it's a mutually supportive environment rather than a competitive "I'm gonna kick your a$$" kind of thing. Becoming a coach, and knowing that I can encourage those who may be slower or newer to the sport has allowed me to understand that I'm not dragging down those who are faster than me. In a pay-it-forward kind of way, it's how it should be.

Christmas Light Run

Talk about a way to get into the Christmas spirit! Wednesday night I met up with a few friends to participate in the 6th annual Christmas Light Run in downtown Washington DC. Think group run meets costume party meets Christmas caroling meets happy hour. It's a fun run, in every sense of the word, that runs past the Capitol, with stops to sing Christmas carols at the White House Christmas tree, Freedom Plaza, and the DC Police Dept's blue tree before meeting back at a bar in Union Station. There are no permits, no road closures, just hundreds of people dressed as Santa, elves, snowmen, etc... running through the streets and sidewalks of DC. Erin's friend brought an extra Santa hat, which I plopped on top of my running hat, so I at least looked like I had a little bit of spirit! Stuart meanwhile had stayed home, finding the whole thing a little too silly for his taste. Bah humbug, but I love him anyways!

Divided into three pace groups, Nikki and I planned to run with the Comets (10-13:00min/mi pace) - the group that typically does the most singing and has the most fun. The Blitzens (those 8-9:00min/mi crazies) tend to focus more on the running piece, and that's where Erin, Kayla and Kim started. But somehow Nikki and I got sucked into the Blitzens before we'd even hit the halfway point of the run. Meanwhile, Erin and Kayla apparently set the pace for those nutty Blitzens. Um, this was supposed to be a fun run, girls??? A bunch of DC Tri folks were out, too. Unfortunately, I didn't get to stick around the bar for a drink afterwards, but it was a blast. A great way to combine my love of all things Christmas with my love of running and being with friends. Sign me up again next year!!

I Love Birthdays

If I were President, first thing I would do is make everyone's birthday a paid holiday for them. Yep, I'm a firm believer that your birthday is a national holiday -- at least for you! Which is why every year I look forward to December 14th...the day, the presents, the cards, just knowing it's my day. In fact, I start celebrating my birthday when it first becomes December 14th in Australia -- which means I opened a gift at about noon yesterday (what some people might call December 13th, but to me is actually already the 14th!). I might be turning 3*, but that doesn't mean I have to grow up when it comes to my birthday.

Anyway, Stuart gave me my big gift this morning -- a super sweet Cannondale cold weather cycling jacket. This thing rocks, it's made of carbon fiber, has oodles of pockets and just looked super warm. Of course that meant we had to try it out! I haven't been on my bike outside since October, so I was excited to bundle up and head out the door. The sun was out, but the wind was blowing strongly enough that I had trouble controlling my bike. Luckily though, my brand new jacket kept me totally warm. My body wasn't cold in the slightest! I was even comfortable enough to stop and pose for a few pictures.

Tell me that isn't the prettiest jacket ever!

Far in the distance you can see the Capitol over my left shoulder.

Stuart overlooking the Mall

Other than that, it was a fairly routine day. Not every birthday can be outstanding and exciting, but it was still good. My parents discovered the triathlon store in Columbus, and so loaded me up with a few new pairs of shorts and a triathlon top. And a sale at Title Nine Sports also scored a cool pair of board shorts that have me totally eager for spring. Calls from friends and family. And now we're about to celebrate not with chocolate cake, but with a little B&J low-fat cookie dough ice cream. yum!

What a Difference A Day Makes

Yesterday, I was feeling unhappy and less than fit, so somehow it was only right that a different perspective on the world today revised my thought process for the time being.

First, today was our end-of-the-season Girls on the Run party. It's always hard to say goodbye to these girls, even if it's only for a few months until spring season. They are funny and sweet and sincere. I value each of them for their joy and innocence and ability to just be. This year I made sure to take lots of pictures at both the race and the party, since I want to always remember how important they are in my life. We even managed to get a decent one of almost the entire team.

But it was also rewarding because I got to hear another story about how the lessons we are imparting are actually sinking in. One of the mothers sought me out to tell me something that happened at soccer practice a few weeks earlier. This mom is about my height/weight/body type and her daughter is a beautiful, hardworking, athletic, smart girl. Anyway...mom tells me that there are a few soccer moms with their team who are fairly tall and thin. Well, her daughter a week or two ago turned to her and said "You know, Mom. Those women really shouldn't be that skinny. They don't look healthy. You and me are just the right size that we are supposed to be." Mom said she was just floored and at the same time so grateful that her daughter had such a strong healthy body image of both herself but those around her.

Once the party wrapped up, I raced home to change clothes and get to the Thursday night Potomac River Running women's group run. It's pouring down rain tonight, with flood warnings out and a chance of snow by morning, so I considered bailing. But I decided this was a chance to build some character and so off I went. Three of us showed up, plus Jess the "rabbit" group leader, and the "caboose" staff member, whose name I'm unfortunately forgetting right now. Not the 10 to 20 women who are normally there -- so we all started the run feeling tough for being out in the cold and rainy night. We all started out together, and I knew that I'd be the one with the caboose, but decided to try and hang with the lead group as long as possible. She was cool with it, and assured me that I could set the pace and she'd be happy to stay with me. They started to drop me at about the .75mile point, but when we hit the 1-mile mark, the caboose and I realized we'd just run a sub-9:00 mile!!! Remember, my normal run pace is about an 11:00+ min/mile, so somehow I was seriously moving!! At that point I said let's just run like this until I blow up, see how long I can sustain it and keep the front group in view.

A little more than halfway through the 4.3mile run I notice that the caboose is actually lagging behind me. Turns out she's getting over being sick, and her normal healthy pace is a 9min/mil, so I was close to dropping her!!! Now that's never happened before! For some reason, I was holding this crazy sub-10min pace. So, we dialed it back, kept running and finished strong. I was encouraging her in the same way that she had for me three weeks ago. We finished and high-fived each other, giving mutual thanks for kicking each other's a$$ and keeping each other motivated. At one point I said to myself "gee, how much faster would you be if you were ten or fifteen pounds lighter". And then I had to remind myself that I was already getting faster -- that while being healthier physically would be nice, I could be fit without being a size 4. I ran faster and stronger during totally miserable weather for one of the best runs I've had in months. It was the reassurance I needed that I am an athlete. I am strong and capable and able to push my own comfort zone. Now to just survive the winter without my amazing GOTR girls to remind me that I am as special as they are!

The Paradox of the "Girl Box"

Molly Barker, the founder of Girls on the Run, calls that place that girls fall into in adolescence as the Girl Box. It's that construct in which we lose ourselves by "performing our lives rather than experiencing them" -- trying to live up to what others expect of us, what we see in the media, what we think we should be rather than what we are.

Sometimes, on days like these, I feel like a bit of a fraud. As I spend months coaching these amazing girls and hopefully instilling in them a sense of self-worth and a strength of character that will prepare them for the emotional rigors of teenagerhood and beyond, I still struggle with my own Girl Box. There are days I look in the mirror and recognize my own strength. I take pride in knowing that I have carried myself 26.2 or 70.3 miles or through some other difficult task. I feel confident, strong and capable.

But other days, I despair of the cellulite on my thighs or the size of my belly. At the same time I tell these girls to love who they are and the power of their own spirits, I occasionally question whether people like me less because I saw a few extra ounces on the scale instead of a few less that morning as I got dressed. Do the parents consider me less of a role model to their daughters if I don't "look" as fit as I think I should? I know mentally the answer is no, and yet there are times when I'm still ashamed. There is a battle between mental and emotional -- knowledge and feeling. I know it's wrong, and yet the power of our culture's subliminal labeling is sometimes overwhelming.

Sometimes that cultural bias isn't even so subliminal, sometimes it's right there in your face. On the plane ride home from my third marathon a few years ago, I was sitting next to a guy and we were chatting. I mentioned that I was returning from New Orleans where I'd run the Mardi Gras Marathon. He was shocked and said "wow, you don't look like a runner". When I responded "Does that mean you're saying I'm fat?" he hemmed and hawed. Not a denial, but instead it seemed like it was embarassment that I called him out on his callous and rude statement to a stranger. I walked away from that conversation able to laugh at his ignorance, but there are days like today when it pops back in my head.

I continue to fight my own battle, but it also challenges me as a coach. Can we break this cycle? Can these girls who accomplished amazing things last weekend truly grow up free of those same limiting and painful thoughts I still battle? It's my job to try, and hopefully in the process, learn from the innocence of their world.

Things I Like and Things I've Learned

It's hard to believe that my fifth season coaching Girls on the Run is coming to a close. The girls at Jamestown Elementary are beyond amazing. They are funny and kind and strong and compassionate and they're all becoming darn good runners. Thursday was our last practice before the season-ending Reindeer Romp 5K, and I asked each of them to write down the answers to two questions -- "What I like about Girls on the Run" and "What I learned at Girls on the Run". The rest of this entry is written by my 20 wonderful, sweet and very very special girls.

Jamestown Girls on the Run Final Thoughts
December 2008

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT GIRLS ON THE RUN
“I like to run and I like to be part of a team”

“How we all encourage each other and help when we need to. How our coaches push us when we are discouraged and they help us gain self confidence. It turns you into a better, valuable person.”

“We make friends and learn about ourselves, bullying, values, paces, feelings and running.”

“That you can run in different paces and learn more about you!”

“I enjoy running and learning new things and helping each other out.”

“That my coaches always support me on the last side when I sprint.”

“How we learn to push ourselves and everyone is special in their own way. And no one is better than anyone else.”

“The coaches, the nice teammates, games and (sometimes) running.”

“Having the coaches and teammates be there to support each other.”

“That we learn to push ourselves and try out best.”

“I like that we are encouraged to do our best. It’s a fun way to do exercise and learn about being healthy and strong at the same time.”

“It’s educational and fun at the same time. You make lots of lifelong friendships (until you go to different schools).”

“Fun games and lots of running.”

“It’s learning to respect things in life.”

“The waking up early and running.”

“It was fun to play the games as a group.”

“Running a lot”

“You run a lot! I like to run! I feel free and wild!”

“What I like about Girls on the Run is that we play fun games that have to do with running.”

“That you can run and good friends are on my team and meet new people!”

“I like to run and I like to be part of a team.”


WHAT I HAVE LEARNED AT GIRLS ON THE RUN
“I have learned a lot about myself and about my teammates. You don’t need to be pretty to have friends.”

“What I have learned at GOTR is to pace myself while running.”

“That running is not a race. Girls can do anything they set their minds to.”

“Not to gossip. To respect.”

“About communities and helping people”

“I learned how to pace so I’m faster in my total time.”

“To run without stopping to rest. Rest at the end!”

“Never gossip.”

“Pacing, trying your best, and you don’t need water to run a race.”

“It’s not just about how fast you can run.”

“The valuableness of friends, honesty, community service. How to make yourself a better person. Pros and cons and of course…running!”

“I learned how to run at my own pace, and how to treat the earth better.”

“Pacing myself.”

“I have learned a lot about myself, other people. Speed doesn’t matter. How to have fun in different ways and how to keep your body healthy.”

“I have learned that speed doesn’t matter but your pacing does! And I’ve learned how to deal with problems, for example with “I feel, when you, because, in the future”.

“It is not all about running, it is about making it.”

“That you ALWAYS have to believe in yourself no matter what.”

“We learned how to push ourselves in running and not to gossip or do anything mean and to treat yourself and others with respect.”

“To pace myself and not be as much of a person who doesn’t run.”

“Everyone goes at their own pace and we’re all different in good ways.”

Cold weekend workouts

The holiday weekend is over, but the holiday season is officially upon us! In between wrapping presents, addressing Christmas cards, and decorating the house this weekend I managed to sneak in a few workouts. But cold was the operative word!

Saturday, I headed over to the pool mid-afternoon. It was surprisingly busy, lots of people feeling the need to burn off that second helping of mashed potatoes or stuffing, I guess. I'd talked myself into going by thinking about how nice and warm the water would be - it's usually in the mid-80s. Tepid bathwater, but still warmer than the 40 degree air. Except the pool heater was broken! The water was about 8 degrees colder than I'd expected. Yikes! It could have been an excuse to cop out, but I knew I'd never forgive myself. So, I did my 2500yds as quickly as I could and got the heck out of dodge.

Yesterday never even really dawned, it was so gray and rainy all day, so it's like the sun never rose at all. Around noon though, I piled on the layers, including my trusty pink running jacket and headed out the door. Nick really wanted to come along, but the thought of wet dog all day in the house was just too unpleasant, so the poor guy got left behind. It was too dreary to try and stay motivated on the trail, so I wandered the neighborhoods of Arlington instead. Not quite 6miles, but it felt good. I saw only two other people and we nodded at each other - that acknowledgement of a little bit of toughness. The knowledge that we were out there working when we could have been home, warm and dry, instead.

I like to think of myself as tough, but inside I know that I wimp out more often than I should. And so it's good to have those chances to prove to myself that I can be as tough as I want to be. But like everything, it takes hard work and commitment.