So often you hear people say "I can't even remember what life was like before I had my baby." With only ten days left in my maternity leave, I find myself saying something different -- "I can't imagine life without her." Although I can't fathom a world without Riley now, that doesn't mean that I don't still remember my pre-baby life. And, there are times when (selfishly) that's hard.
Summer is normally a time when I sweat...a lot. 90 degree days you add another layer of sunscreen and an extra water bottle before heading out for a 50mile ride. Panting my way through a short run, and then a cold margarita (or two!) on the porch later that day to top it off.
When I learned I was pregnant, I had such high hopes for my maternity leave. I pictured long walks/runs with a compliant baby in the jogging stroller. While she took those long baby naps, I'd be on my bike trainer or doing power yoga. By the time I went back to work, I'd have lost not only all the baby weight, but an additional ten pounds. Heck, this was going to be better than life before baby.
HA.
HA HA HA.
I didn't count on an infant who slept in catnaps, and only in my arms. I forgot about Washington's brutal weather and "Code Orange" days where infants and old people shouldn't be outside. I didn't realize how challenging it would be to not be able to be apart from my baby for more than 1.5-2hrs because I'm nursing. And, I didn't count on how gosh darn tired I would be (since my plan was to sleep during all those long baby naps!).
Instead, I go back to work on July 1st and my heart is breaking. My precious baby who sleeps in my arms for most naps will be in the arms of someone else. For a while, my mom and my husband until she starts actual daycare in mid-August. That doesn't matter. It won't be me. And, while I'm in better shape than I was the day I gave birth(!), the majority of my work clothes still don't fit. I don't have a single race on my schedule. The 10K I'd planned got hijacked by a trip to Ohio for my very ill mother-in-law.
I'm desperately missing triathlons, but don't know how on earth I'm going to make it happen. Heck, right now I don't even know how I'm going to manage working and making sure my baby doesn't forget me. How long can I continue to define myself as a triathlete without having done one? Last night I sat down and caught up reading some of my favorite blogs and it made me remember that old life. I went to bed thinking about how I might someday meld the two -- seeing my daughter on the sidelines cheering me on while I race.
Somehow it will all work out. In the meantime, I am kissing my sweet Riley as often as I can. I'm working out when I can, including starting today's Trifuel 50 Day Core Challenge. I'm seeking a race before year's end that will challenge but not humiliate me. And, on the bright side, I'm getting my daughter started on an endurance lifestyle early....including her first foray into the pool.
2 comments:
Aw. The cutest--she's clearly a natural and looks happy in the water! I know we talked about all those goals and how you "thought" it would all go down, but as we know, Plan A, is never the plan you or I follow. It's always more like Plan C, D, or E. I'm longing too. For my pre-Germany life, but know that even returning to DC will not fix that--pre-Germany life is gone and its time to look forward to the new life. I'm glad you're taking yours in stride! You've got the right attitude.
And don't worry about Riley going to daycare. She'll be fine--think of it as her sprouting her independence, learning to be strong on her own without Mom...she's just starting early. My mom put me in daycare at 6weeks and I called my babysitter "mom" before my mom. It crushed her at the time, but I turned out just fine. :) Miss ya girl!
Once a triathlete, always a triathlete. I have no doubt you will be back into the sport soon.
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