The Lessons of Susan Boyle

As I was reading CNN.com this morning, I came upon a commentary by Peter Bregman about the “Britain’s Got Talent” performer, Susan Boyle. When I finally broke down and clicked on the You Tube link last week, I found myself overwhelmed. There’s been tons of news coverage over the last few weeks, but reading his column today, I think he summed up very eloquently my thoughts. I’m condensing and excerpting the pieces of it that touch me the most (you can read the entire column here).

“Susan Boyle, who recently performed on the U.K. television show "Britain's Got Talent," has captured the world's attention …. She wasn't painfully ordinary; she was amazingly extraordinary. The audience immediately jumped to a standing ovation and stayed there until the end of the song. The YouTube video of Susan's performance has, as of Tuesday, received more than 35 million views…..

But there's something else Susan Boyle awakens in us as we watch her come out of her shell: our own selves. Who among us does not move through life with the hidden sense, maybe even quiet desperation, that we are destined for more? That underneath our ordinary exterior lays an extraordinary soul? That given the right opportunity, the right stage, the right audience, we would shine as the stars we truly are?

That promise underlies most successful advertising campaigns: the desire to transform from caterpillar to butterfly. Maybe if you buy that (fill in the blank), people will see you for the sophisticated, cool, gorgeous, talented, lovable person you know you really are. But in our less desperate moments, we know we can't purchase that transformation. Although Susan Boyle became an overnight sensation, hers was not an overnight transformation. She's been practicing singing since she was 12. In her case, overnight was 35 years.

It's easy to admire Susan. But it's far more interesting to be transformed by her. "There is grace," a friend recently wrote to me, "in being molded by your own gifts."

To allow yourself to be molded by your own gifts takes courage. You have to be willing to stand there, exposed and authentic, while the audience rolls their eyes at you and sneers, expecting failure. And then, of course, you have to fail, laugh or cry, and keep going until, one day, they stop laughing and start clapping.

But you can't do it alone….If we're lucky, we have parents who encourage us. Nothing really replaces a mother or father who believes in you. But even if you don't have parents who believe in you, it's important to have someone. Someone you trust, enough that when they offer criticism, you know it's to draw you out more fully, not shut you down even partially….

Susan Boyle is a phenomenal role model for all of us, not just because of her talent or her courage or her perseverance or her supportive friends. She is a phenomenal role model for us because she is us, in all our awkward ordinariness and amazing extraordinariness.”

To me, Peter Bregman captured what I was feeling but unable to express as I watched the video and found the music sticking in my head the rest of the day. Whether we dare to dream big or simply just survive the day-to-day of our offices, classrooms, neighborhoods and worlds, we need courage. Courage, plus the love and support of those around us, lets us move mountains. Maybe not immediately or in hugely visible ways, but bit by bit moving ourselves closer to the person we want to be.

This week with my Girls on the Run we talked about standing up for ourselves, expressing our own feelings, and learning how to evaluate and make good decisions. Heavy stuff for 8 and 9-year olds. But listening to their reactions to the games and questions I posed, they seemed to get it. It’s scary to be yourself, to refuse to surrender to the will of the cliques around you, and to learn to listen and trust that little voice inside. And yet they were articulating that they know it will only get harder as they get older, that the choices will be even tougher. My hope for each of them is not that they will be guffawing in the audience, but instead on the stage of life with their heads held high and the joy of living a real and honest life shining through them.